Mom Talk: Difficult Conversations

It’s that time of week once again for a little Mom Talk. Patch takes the chance to inform our readers about something new: moms, dads, grandparents and family friends alike.

This week's Mom Talk is brought to you by Upper Moreland-Willow Grove Patch Moms' Council members and Patch contributors Heather Greenleaf and Ruth Z. Deming.

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Deming, who is a mother of adult children and a grandmother, brought up the topic of how parents should deal with difficult conversations, such as a death of a loved one.

"It's really important to explain things in an age-appropriate way," Deming said.

Greenleaf, who has two young children, responded by sharing a story of when she witnessed a father helping his daughter cope with the death of her mother.

Greenleaf belongs to the Gymboree of North Wales, a franchised business that is dedicated to creative, educational and energetic activities for toddlers.

Greenleaf said that she would often participate in playdates with her son and the children of other Gymboree mothers. She has known these moms since her son, now 2, was 3 months old.

"We went to the memorial service," Greenleaf continued, "and the dad was there with his older daughter, who is my son's age."

She recalled how, at the memorial service, the daughter asked her father some tough questions, which he answered gracefully and with love and compassion. 

"'Where's Mommy? Is Mommy in heaven?' and he said, 'Yes,' and she asked, 'Can we still talk with her?' And, he said, 'Yes,'" Greenleaf said. "And, that was it, that was all she wanted to know."

Both Greenleaf and Deming seemed to have a positive reaction to the gentle and simple answers that the father gave, but also noted that the family was religious, and could find comfort in faith—while such answers may not be applicable with other families.

"You make up your own answer," Deming said. "You know your child, you know yourself, and you say something that is going to be comforting, and that is truthful."

"And, I think 'Can you still talk to Mommy?' is very comforting, absolutely," Greenleaf later added. "Yes, still talk to Mommy—she may not answer you, but still talk to her."