Ask Dr. Mike: Challenges with ADHD and Finding a Social Skills Group

By Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Dr. Mike,

My son was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, and his pediatrician at that time recommended we try a social skills group for his “immaturity” and “impulsivity.” We did that, and our experience was horrible! The kids in the group had much bigger problems than my son and a couple of them actually had Autism and not ADHD. One child couldn’t control himself and hit my son and that was our last group with them!! I think the group made things worse because my son was very self-conscious and anxious afterwards. Fast forward two years later, and my son is still socially immature and impulsive and now his fourth grade teacher is recommending a social skills group for him. Ugh!! The place we went to two years ago is supposed to be the best social skills group practice in our area, so now what?! Thank you for your guidance.

Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

It’s common for children with ADHD to have social challenges, and social skills groups can sometimes be helpful. Reading social cues and nuances, starting and maintaining conversations, regulating emotions and behaviors, impulsivity, sharing and taking turns, greeting others, asking for help, responding to others, are several of the areas a good group would address for a child with ADHD in the Fourth Grade.

But as a child psychologist who sees a lot of children with ADHD, I can tell you that your experience isn’t unusual. Finding a good social skills group isn’t an easy thing do, and I frequently speak with many parents with your very same problem.

Research in this area has identified three factors that contribute toward a group’s success – (1) the group members should be the same age or close in age, (2) the group should be small (e.g., 3-7 kids), (3) and the children in the group should have similar struggles. These three things, along with having a well-trained and experienced therapist as the group leader, will usually lead to a positive outcome.

If you decide to try another social skills group for your son, I recommend you make sure that the above three factors are present before starting. You could also ask the therapist if your son could attend one group session as a guest (without making a larger commitment) to see if the group is a good fit for him.

Given your experience, however, working on individual social challenges with a child therapist might be a good next step. Groups can be anxiety producing for a lot of children, and your son might do better seeing a therapist one-to-one initially to address his challenges.

As parents, you will also want to create opportunities for social and friendship development. Clubs, organized sports and volunteering as a family, are a few ways you can expose your son to social moments that can lead to increased maturity and growth. Setting up one-to-one play dates and small group experiences with other children will also give your son that extra social practice he needs to do better.

Also, if your son’s teacher is reaching out to you to recommend a social skills group, his challenges may already be impacting his learning and behavior in the classroom. Thus, I recommend that you schedule a meeting with your son’s teacher to discuss your son’s learning and to improve peer success. You might consider asking the following questions: Does your son presently have a 504 Plan or an IEP per his ADHD diagnosis, and if not, would he benefit from having more formalized supports and accommodations? If your son is experiencing social challenges at school, can behavioral/relational strategies be put in place to help him? Are there any social opportunities at school (e.g., Lunch Bunch) for children with social challenges or ADHD?

Lastly, if your son is being prescribed ADHD medication by a pediatrician or child psychiatrist, I recommend that you meet with that professional to determine if a change in dosage or the current medication entirely is warranted. If your son isn’t presently taking medications, this might be a good time to consider a consultation with the pediatrician or a child psychiatrist.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. Send questions to moberschneider@hotmail.com.

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