'Left Behind by Suicide': a Mother's Journey

Lorijane Graham had hit rock bottom. 

Her 15-year-old daughter, Kaela Wegner, and daughter's boyfriend, Tony Holt Jr., had killed themselves in a double suicide on Graham's backyard deck in South Riding. Months after the event, Graham's weight had dropped to under 100 pounds. Tuning out the world, she'd turn on a staticy television station for hours, just for the background noise. Haunted by the memory of her daughter—and of the father who had also taken his own life many years before—she tried to commit suicide herself, multiple times. 

"I completely went insane," Graham recalled. Her daughter and husband told her to get help or they would have her committed.

Seven years later, Graham has forged a new path in life, and now works in her spare time to help the families "left behind by suicide." In 2011, she self-published a book, The Hummingbird Prophecy, about her memories of her father and daughter. The book is an account of how she regained the will to live, with the help of some intensive therapy. It's just one of many efforts Graham has made to raise public awareness about suicide.

"I've been left behind too many times," Graham said. "And I don't want anyone to be left behind."

Graham, a marketing director for a country club by day, estimates that she now spends about 25-30 hours per week researching suicide, trying to help families left behind, and other activities, like Out of the Darkness community walks. In August 2010, she began to write The Hummingbird Prophecy. She self-published it in May 2011 (most names in the book were changed). She published the book with the hope that it would help others who have experienced a loved one's suicide. 

But the book is not her last major project: she wants to bring her daughter's last message to her, captured on voicemail, to a mass audience. She is also trying to find a celebrity who will be willing to talk publicly about suicide, much like Michael J. Fox became the public face of Parkinson's Disease, or how Wynonna Judd spoke out about AIDS. The endorsement of a well-known figure can raise public awareness in a way that she cannot. 

"That is my goal moving forward, to find a voice for suicide," said Graham, now a resident of Centreville's Gate Post Estates community.

It took Graham 18-20 months of intensive therapy to regain the will to live after Kaela's death, she said. For two hours, three days a week, she would talk to her therapist about Kaela—and about her father, who she idolized. She related that her father had shot her highly abusive mother, then killed himself. Her mother survived; her father didn't. 

"It's in the past," Graham said. "Going forward, I want to help people." 

She has met with many survivors over the years. All struggle with that ever-present "why?" There's never any good answer. Yet the statistics show that suicide is a growing problem. It is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. Moreover, the number of suicides has increased every year since 2000, and suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people age 15-24. 

"Suicide has become the Plan B of our society," Graham said. "And that's the wrong thing to do. Your life is precious. You have no right to take it."

She sees The Hummingbird Prophecy as a self-help book. It's dedicated to the memory of her daughter, but written for anyone who has encountered suicide. 

"This is what I was left to do," she said. "I was left to be a voice for my father, my daughter and all those who have been left behind by suicide."