Anger, A Second Level Emotion

Anger is a complex emotion that profoundly affects you and the people around you. It causes us to act in ways we may not be proud of and can drive us to make regrettable mistakes. We all struggle at times with controlling anger. Our reactions to anger can cause controversy and other complications in life.

When you do not understand your anger or how to control it, you may act out in destructive ways. These destructive ways could include physical violence, verbal abuse, or self-harm. Without healthy emotional regulation or anger management, anger causes us to act out in 'rage.' For example, a person in a rage could break things, yell at others, or even enact physically risky behaviors. Rage is a powerful force that can be destructive and painful for everyone involved. An angry reaction makes difficult situations worse.

Controlling your anger, especially in the heat of the moment, can be overwhelming and even seem impossible. However, understanding your anger is not just about gaining insight; it's about empowerment. It leads to a deeper understanding of buried issues, uncovering your anger triggers and empowering you to manage your emotions. This understanding gives you a sense of control over your reactions, making difficult situations more manageable.
The first step toward understanding your anger is understanding what it means to be angry. Anger does not happen independently; it is considered a secondary emotion.

Anger: A Secondary Emotion
In counseling, anger is considered a secondary emotion. A secondary emotion is fueled by other primary emotions, which are the root cause of our anger. For example, feelings of hurt, frustration, or helplessness are the primary emotions that show as anger. Other primary emotions that can lead to anger include fear, disappointment, and rejection.
People who are hurt may act out in anger. This is especially true when feeling emotional pain; expressing anger rather than hurt is easier.
When a person feels frustrated or under attack, they may cover their feelings of vulnerability with anger. Masking feelings of sadness, grief, or hurt with anger can be more comfortable than experiencing these emotions.

Emotional Anger Triggers
It can be challenging to feel and come to terms with primary emotions. Emotions like grief, sadness, loss, embarrassment, and uncertainty are all painful to feel. For instance, the loss of a loved one triggers feelings of grief and sorrow. These emotions grow when we think of our loved one, and there is no specific, quick resolution to help us feel better. Anger is more accessible and is a very effective means to distract us from the pain that we feel. These emotional triggers, such as the memory of a loved one or a situation that makes us feel embarrassed, can lead to feelings of anger.

Frustration is another primary emotion that often leads to anger. Feeling helpless and out of control triggers frustration. Anger, similarly, is an easy emotion to overshadow one's frustration. You may attempt to regain control or lash out at others to ease frustration. Once anger occurs, it can mask your frustration and helplessness.

Anger is also a common manifestation of depression. When a person is depressed, they are swamped with depressed feelings and emotions. Depression causes a lot of stress and makes even the simplest of tasks unbearable. Through feeling crushed and depressed, a person can experience irritability, which morphs into anger.

How To Overcome Your Anger
Overcoming anger takes practice. Knowing the steps to feel better or to de-escalate is essential to controlling your anger. There are healthy ways to deplete and disengage angry energy. Exercise and physical activity are great ways to calm the nerves and release the triggers that cause outbursts. Also, exercising gives you a healthy way to decompress and process your thoughts.
The next step is to understand the primary emotion. Ask yourself, what is triggering your feelings of anger, and why? Knowing why you are feeling angry helps you anticipate your angry reaction in the future and brings a sense of relief. It's a step towards a future with less anger and more control, providing a sense of peace and tranquility.

Practicing mindfulness exercises is an effective tool for managing anger. Being aware of your emotions can redirect your reactions to prevent overpowering anger. Mindfulness practices, including meditation, deep breathing exercises, and stress relief techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, can help you maintain a sense of calm and control in the face of anger.

If you struggle with controlling and managing your anger, remember that help is available. The counselors at Discovery Counseling understand the complexities of Anger Management Counseling. They can help you uncover your triggers and build techniques to reduce the feeling of anger. You're not alone in this journey.