Mother's Death Spurs Local Woman to Help Others Heal

On Sept. 19, 2009, Jennifer Westby's mother collapsed on the floor in her home with a brain hemorrhage. She was taken to the hospital where she died six days later.

Her mother wasn't ill. There was very little warning. For Westby, who has two young children, losing her mother was profound, as it would be for anyone losing a loved one. 

"The magnitude of that shook me to where I knew I had to do something different with my grief," she said. 

Westby had a history of anxiety and panic disorders and she knew if she didn't focus her pain, it would only serve to further debilitate her. 

So she decided to grieve - and now to live - in honor of her mother. "My mom loved to do acts of kindness," she said, "so I thought, 'well, there I go.'"

Westby's first act of kindness was an off-the-cuff idea. She decided to go to the Forza coffee shop in Lakewood where four law enforcement officers had recently been killed by a gunman, and buy someone a cup of coffee and a muffin. "I asked my mom for a sign; tell me I'm doing the right thing."

She later wrote about it on a Facebook page dedicated to her mom. A woman wrote her on the page to applaud her efforts. It turned out that woman was the 911 operator who took the barista's phone call the day the Lakewood officers were shot. 

Westby hasn't questioned her purpose since.

Help in Writing

Over the next few years, Westby chronicled her experiences, thoughts and insights from losing her mother. 

What started as a way to move through her own grief evolved into a vision to produce a book that would help others do the same when faced with difficult experiences and losses. She published her book Six Days of Kindness: Grieving with Love and a Purpose in September 2012 - three years after her mom passed.

Westy said one big takeaway from her book is that "life gives us experiences to learn from and to teach others."

But the book in itself is only a small part of Westby's vision to help others heal. In November 2012, she launched her Grief Makeover project.

Help in Action

The Grief Makeover website shares that its mission is to: "To provide men and women who are grieving a loss in their life, an energizing yet organized approach to what is humanly possible, in an authentic and relatable style that ignites personal growth and the power to move forward."

Grief Makeover takes nominations from people who need that help and Westby is currently working with two nominees.

This isn't a one-time-only, cosmetic makeover to dress someone up and then never come back, she said. Grief Makeover tries to provide that emotional, mental and physical support and to stay with the person and ensure they're making that progress.

"We aim to move somebody forward through their grief," she said. "We’re not fixing them. We’re not saying we’re making everything go away.”

Help in Community

Sometimes, the support Grief Makeover provides is purely physical. Never underestimate the power of a little pampering, a new outfit or a small gift in bringing a smile to someone's face. 

Other times, it's practical services like how to plan a funeral or what to do about someone's estate after they pass. 

And other times, it's about emotional healing in the form of life coaches, energy coaches and therapists/counselors. 

The common factor in these services is that their providers are all members of the Grief Makeover Support Directory, which Westby envisions is a tailored directory of local businesses that everyone - whether or not someone is a nominee - can use. 

Local providers are welcome to contact her to be a part of the directory.

People looking for help will likely be Googling for these services anyway, she said, so the Grief Makeover directory aims to make the search for help easier while helping to elevate local businesses. "They're things I wish I would have had when I lost my mom," she said.

Full Vision

Westby said her aim is to take the Grief Makeover Directory national though she is currently building up directories in Oregon and Washington.

She is also in talks to turn the Grief Makeover Project into a documentary series where staff would follow a nominee through their own personal process while helping to feature the providers and businesses in each community that have given their services and support.

"The idea is whoever watches the show can go to the support directory and get that help too," she said.

Bringing this vision to fruition has become a full-time job and then some, but Westby hasn't lost sight of her original motivation: her mother. "This was something I had felt even before my mom died - I was lost in my career and had young kids at home," she said. "My hands were tied, as they can be when you're a stay-at-home mom. ... Her death set a fire to my purpose and what I chose to do was a guiding light for my grief. Yes, I want my mom back so bad, but what's the next best thing to do? That's to honor her."

Visit http://www.griefmakeover.com/ for more information.

Editor's Note: Patch will be following the process for one Grief Makeover nominee that is enlisting the help of businesses in the Bonney Lake/Sumner/Puyallup area. Stay tuned.