'Today Only Counts,' Madison Man Says About Sobriety

MADISON, WI— Motivational speaker Tom Farley is not trying to be a buzz kill when he says the best way to cure a New Year's hangover is not to drink in the first place.

"During the holiday season people are trying to manage their emotions and sometimes when you celebrate you can mismanage those emotions with alcohol," Farley said to Patch.

Farley, brother of the late actor Chris Farley, spends a lot of time talking about substance abuse. The Madison resident uses his book "The Chris Farley Show," as a way to reach people and talk about substance abuse.

Chris died on Dec. 18, 1997 from a drug overdose at the age of 33. The pandemic has been very busy for Tom, who gives virtual talks.

The pandemic has caused a great deal of stress and people are trying to find ways to get through it. Farley explained to Patch that people have picked up behaviors they didn't have before.

He used the example of the virtual work environment. Before the pandemic, there was the motto, "It is 5 o'clock somewhere." After work, it was easy to blow off steam at the corner bar. Farley added now there are no natural dividers between work and play.

"You are at home. Instead of leaving work to go to the bar, the bar is now in the next room," Farley said.

No day like today

On social media, people are posting about "dry January" or using New Year's as the catalyst for going sober. Farley compared it to New Year's resolutions such as dieting. It may work for a little while but the behaviors don't change.

"Like with dieting, if you go back to your behaviors you gain back all the weight you lost and more. It is the same thing with drinking," Farley said.

He used to be one of those people who claimed they were going to do something different in the new year. In recovery, it is about taking one day at a time.

"Why be focused on a day in the future. Today is the only day that counts," he said.

Out in the open

As a recovering alcoholic himself, Farley said there is anonymity in programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous.

"It is helpful as it takes the whole wide world away and gets you focused," he told Patch.

Farley said for his own personal recovery, he needs to talk about his own issues with drinking.

Farley said the recent slew of famous people coming forward about their struggles with sobriety is beneficial.

Comedian John Mulaney recently checked into rehab. The stand-up comedian is going through treatment for his struggles with alcohol and cocaine, which he has been open about.

Model Chrissy Teigen posted on Instagram about being sober for a month. She mentioned how Holly Whitaker’s book, “Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol,” contributed to her decision to get sober.

Also, singer Miley Cyrus and actor Dax Shepard have also revealed their journey with sobriety.

"These struggles are more common than people really think about," Farley said.

When his brother Chris Farley started to have issues with addiction, the family felt it was his problem. Farley said his family felt they didn't have an issue with drinking, but they did.

During the holidays when Chris was sober, the family kept drinking, which Farley admits must have been hard on the Saturday Night Live star.

"Chris didn't talk about it. It was a very personal thing for him," he told Patch.

Now being able to be open about sobriety, opens up the lines of communication with your whole family, Farley added.

Owning his own sobriety

Farley told Patch he has been sober for almost two years. In the past, he was sober for several stretches of time, but relapsed.

He said he had to learn acceptance of the fact that he can't drink and own it. Recovery is also about honesty with yourself.

"I've accepted this is who I am and who I want to be," Farley said.

Farley told Patch now with social media it is easy to "curate a life" and show an untrue version of yourself. Being honest about himself has felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

He described himself as a "Wisconsin boy," and how he is comfortable going into bars without drinking.

"I know who I am, but it takes time," he said.

For 20 years Farley has been speaking out about his brother's addiction, how he tried to get sober, and his death.

"Over the past two years, I have incorporated my own recovery into those talks. Now I'm talking about myself and Chris," Farley said.

Farley said it has made a big difference and the people who listen to his talks also have noticed a difference.

"What I'm talking about is that much more authentic and impactful," he said.

The Wisconsin Department of Health Services provides resources and information if you are in need of help. Also, The Wisconsin Addiction Recovery Helpline is a statewide resource for finding substance use treatment and recovery services. The helpline is free, confidential, and available 24/7. Trained resource specialists will help you understand your treatment and support options.