Waukesha Cop's Note On Boy's Grave Provided Comfort, Family Says

WAUKESHA,WI — A Waukesha police officer recently crossed paths with a family whose son's death involved police, and the family says the encounter provided them comfort.

Waukesha police Officer Ryan Bukouras was writing reports while parked in a cemetery in July 2019 when he says he had a "tingling feeling." Bukouras looked up and saw a tombstone with two pictures.

He got out of his car and walked over to the grave of Terrence Holliman Jr., who died in 2005 at the age of 13. Bukouras has a daughter around the same age.

"I thought, 'Wow, I don't know how these parents did it.' I could only imagine," he told Patch.

He looked around the grave and saw flowers and little trinkets. Bukouras offered a prayer and said now that he knows Terrence, he will come by and check up on his final resting place. Since then, Bukouras has been doing paperwork at the 13-year-old’s grave, talking to him with his window down.

In his line of work, police are often emotionally impacted, especially when it comes to children. As a father, he sometimes will reflect on an incident at night, Bukouras said.

Recently, he said a prayer at the grave. Bukouras thought about many people leave trinkets on the grave and decided to leave one for the teen. The officer left the following note:

"I never knew you but it looks like you left a positive impact on the world. Rest easy young man. I will stop by from time to time to make sure you are all cleaned up. God Bless OFC Ryan."

He tucked a sticker and the note under a trinket so it wouldn't blow away.

Dena Holliman, Terrence's mom, said both of his grandmas visit the cemetery almost every day, and one of them spotted the note from Bukouras on Aug. 15. She told the story to a relative, who told someone she knew in law enforcement. Within hours, Holliman said they knew who Bukoras was.

The Holliman family met in person with Bukouras on Saturday to thank him. Holliman said what the officer did was truly amazing.

I saw the signs

The Holliman family believes Terrence sends them signs and is with them always. Holliman told Patch that "I'll be Missing You" by Sean Combs played during his funeral. The song comes on the radio at certain important times. Terrence's younger sister, Alyssa, went on a trip by herself last month and, when she arrived safely, the song came on.

"We know he is always around," Holliman said.

Holliman described Terrence as "the light of our life" and kind-hearted. Terrence was always willing to help people and had aspirations to be an engineer in the future.

"We all make mistakes and do things that are wrong in our life. He ended up in a car crash, and that is something that can't be taken back," Holliman said.

Bukouras didn't know how the teen died. The family told him Terrence died during a police pursuit in Waukesha in 2005. He was a passenger in a car driven by another young teen. The driver decided to take off and ended up crashing the car, killing Terrence.

Bukouras mentioned to the family he likes to stop at a certain street. The family told him the spot is where the teen was killed.

"The places I like to stop at is where he was killed and where he rests," Bukouras said.

He added that it was almost as if Terrence was pulling him toward his final resting spot.

After speaking with Terrence's family, Bukouras discovered some similarities with the late teen. The officer was in a car crash himself when was he younger and was with other teens in the car. Bukouras and the Holliman family also attend the same church.

A childhood friend of Terrence, Charles Braden, has remained in contact with the family through the years. He knew of Bukouras through a friend, and both are in similar careers.

Braden told Patch that Bukouras' gesture proves what a great police officer and person he is.

"I don't know — I think we were destined to meet somehow," Bukouras said.

Holliman said the meeting provided a sense of comfort.

'Split-second decisions'

Bukouras has been on the force since 2012 after a career in sales. He grew up in the inner city of Milwaukee and says he saw "a lot of bad stuff." When he was younger, Bukouras was a victim in a drive-by shooting along with several other people.

"I wasn't doing anything bad. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time," he said.

It was those experiences that inspired him to become a police officer.

Bukouras said he understands people are living in tumultuous times, given the high-profile cases involving police officers.

Bukouras explained that in the law enforcement career, an officer has to make a split-second decision. That decision is going to determine if the officer goes home to their family or not, he said.

"That split-second decision can be Monday morning quarterback, if you will, for eternity," he said.

He compared the split-second decision to sports. There are a million dollars worth of lights on in a field and high-tech systems that break down a play. Bukouras said referees are looking at each second of a freeze-frame to see if something was a right or wrong call.

"We are expected to do that on the street in a fraction of a second and always make that right decision. I wish society knew what we go through," Bukouras said.

Dena Holliman said she feels for people in law enforcement but sees both sides of the argument.

"I can't imagine being an officer and being on the street nowadays and fearing for your life at all times," Dena said.

Visiting Terrence's grave gives Bukouras a chance to vent. He finds it therapeutic.

"It's almost a form of therapy for me and part of my weekly life," Bukouras said.