CSI: Laguna Beach—Terrorist Yogurt Attack!

Wednesday, Jan. 26:

2:20 p.m. Pop quiz! A woman at the calls 911 because: A) She's having a heart attack. B) She's been in a car accident. C) She's being stabbed/maimed/bludgeoned. D) Those damn kids and their infernal skateboards! E) Someone cursed at her. For the answer, keep reading!

Friday, Jan. 28:

4:05 p.m. A man at the Broadway bus depot is rolling marijuana cigarettes. How judgmental! Could it not be medicinal oregano?

9:51 p.m. This week’s theme on CSI: Laguna Beach is “thrown objects.” In Part 1, somebody reports being hit by yogurt—terrorist yogurt?—hurled from passengers in a black Honda on South Coast Highway near the . One of the occupants then yelled, “You thought you were shot!” The report, however, leaves out the most important detail: what flavor?

Monday, Jan. 31:

10:32 a.m. Action at , as a pitb ull is running loose and defecating right there in front of God and the entire free world! The major crime here, though, is that the pooch's female owner isn’t bothering to do the extremely difficult, agonizing, bone-crunching work of bending down—all the way down! Down to the ground!—to pick up the armed-and-dangerous poo, opting instead to just cover it with sand so it looks like it was never there in the first place. Ingenious!

2:44 p.m. Thrown Objects Part 2: Vandalism at the on Ocean, as the owner reports that eggs and grease were thrown at his business. Maybe next time the perps will have the courtesy to hurl some sausage, hotcakes and bacon to complete a Denny’s Grand Slam.

3:50 p.m. Some kid is freaking out over on San Tropez because he swears he sees a credit card slide inside the front door, as if somebody outside is trying to break in. Clearly this is what happens when you subject your kids to too many lousy TV crime shows, because it’s just someone dropping fliers off.

Tuesday, Feb. 1:

5:30 a.m. A gentleman who voluntarily checked himself in to Mission Hospital for alcohol dependency apparently couldn't get with the program, as he went AWOL an hour earlier. He should be easy to spot, though, since he still has an IV line in his arm.

Pop quiz answer: E. Of course!