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How To Help Your Daughter With Mean Girls
Parents can learn a few helpful ideas on how to help your daughter deal with mean girls both on and off the playing field.
My Story
My kid came home a season ago and told me a girl on her team told her she sucked. Taking a deep breath (and not launching into my overprotective mama-bear self), I asked what she thought about her abilities. Dropping her head low she mumbled, “I do.” Making room for her feelings, I gave our conversation a pause.
After a few moments, I asked her if we could take a look at whether she does suck together. She lifted her gaze and agreed. I asked if she is the worst player on the team. I asked her if she is the best player on the team. I asked how much older the girls are on her team than her. I asked if she is better than last year. I asked her if she remembered what her coach told her last season. I asked her if she is learning more every time she is playing. Not disputing any of her answers, I then asked her if she sucked. From her own answers she was able to conclude she has gotten better and being the youngest player on her team (She was 11 playing with 14 year olds), of course many of her teammates were better than her. She concluded she didn’t suck.
The interaction with the girl who put my daughter down rattled her. This could have been a moment where her lax stick was thrown into the trash. Why? Because words matter.
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Instead though, we helped our daughter help herself keep things in perspective. And this year, when she was able to join an age appropriate team, she came home beaming one night telling us the coach used her as an example and said she was a player everyone can look up to. She couldn’t believe it and has been feeling good ever since.
How To Help
#1 Words matter, both as a teammate and coach.
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#2 Parents can help their daughters unearth their own conclusions with questions. Have them come up with the answers. Wait until she is calm to have a rational conversation.
#3 Help your daughter to help herself. Giving tons of reassurance when kids are dealing with a sad or anxious situation often doesn’t solve the problem. The answers need to come from them, especially for our tweens and teens. When it comes from them, the answers stick.
Here’s to growing Wise Girls!
