Teenagers Need A Good Family Connection

Since technology has advanced so rapidly, many of our lives have become more complicated. One result I have observed is that we are having difficulties maintaining family connections and traditions. As a result of our fast pace world and chaotic lives we sometimes forget the importance of passing on family traditions from generation to generation. Another problem that impacts this is our society has become very mobile. We no longer live close to our relatives. It's not uncommon for grandchildren to live in California and grandparents to live back east. Also with jobs becoming more difficult to find and the cost of living increasing families are moving where ever they can find a job or to a place to live that is affordable. The ultimate result is people in the United States including children are dealing with feelings of loneliness and anxiety. In fact, besides anxiety being an epidemic loneliness is now an epidemic too.

The month of February is dedicated to Black History, however, it also addresses the importance of contact between generations. Black History month has many goals. It is a way to acknowledge what Black Americans have contributed to the United States and also a way to remember the struggles they faced due to discrimination. Therefore, it is also away to establish pride in younger Black Americans by helping them to become aware of their history and to remember their history and the struggles. By helping the younger generations remember their past, a bridge is being connected to their past generations which shows how the prior generations helped Black Americans achieve what they have achieved and are achieving today.

Now since many families are not living close to each other, family members cannot provide the support they could in the past, such as watching grandchildren after school. Additionally, children cannot as easily establish close relationships with grandparents and aunts and uncles, the same way as when they lived close by. These adults could serve as additional role models and inform parents if something seemed off with the child. They were also able to spend additional time with the children and reinforce what parents were teaching their children and reinforce the family traditions and values.

The other thing that the close connection to generations provided was a sense of security. If there was a problem a child knew they could turn to their parents, aunts or uncles or cousins. It also helped a child's self-esteem. You had the adults who could reinforce that you were worthy and you had cousins who would defend you at school or in the neighborhood because you were worth it. Also your older cousins could help you learn what to expect as you went from grade to grade. There was a sense of support and security that most children don't have today. Furthermore, children with support from extended family members are less likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol.

The advancement in computers especially Smartphones has been connected to the sense of loneliness children and teenagers are experiencing. A recent study has identified that as the use of Smartphones has increased, the amount of physical interaction we have with one another has decreased. Instead of children playing with each other they are texting each other and playing video games online with each other. However, kids might be texting and interacting online with one another, but they are home alone in their bedrooms. As a result children and teenagers are reporting feelings of loneliness and isolation. We are physical beings and need physical contact and connection with each other. iPhones cannot recreate or replace the physical interaction someone experiences when they are in the same room with a person.

A new research study shows the dependence on IPhones and electronics reached a high around 2010 to 2012. This would be the time when children born around the year 2000 would be beginning puberty. The study shows that the IPhones and electronics were impacting children’s developing brains especially how dopamine is used in the brain. This change made it more likely that children and teenagers would deal with loneliness, anxiety, depression, isolation and hopelessness. Unfortunately, I see this very often in the children and teenagers that I treat. They report severe feelings of anxiety and depression and that they feel lonely. Additionally, the report a sense of being useless. They feel they contribute nothing to the world and they don’t see themselves ever contributing to the world. If I ask them about friends, they say yes they have friends, but their main contact with friends is texting and playing games online. They have very little contact with their friends. Even at school they are now using Chrome Books. They get there assignments on line and they turn in their homework via the Chrome Book. Therefore, the amount of physical contact at school has been decreased.

Since we now are getting more and more evidence that computers and Smartphones are impacting how teenagers brains develop and their ability to use dopamine, we can start to address this issue. We can limit how often children and teenagers use electronics. Also start doing what many of were told by our parents on the weekends. Go outside and play and be home before the street lights come on. We need to encourage them to have more physical contact with their friends and not rely on their IPhones. We need to re-evaluate when children get cellphones and what type of cellphone. A fifth grader doesn’t need an IPhone.

Besides re-evaluating how our teenagers use computers, we need to evaluate how parents use cellphones. I have seen many parents tell their teenagers they are spending too much time on social media yet the parents are out at dinner or at Disneyland texting people. Parents you are the role models. If you don’t set an appropriate example about how to use social media, how do you expect your teenagers to learn how to use social media appropriately?

As I said before we are getting this information confirmed by new research studies that are coming out now. CNN also has a special report about this issue. The data shows the problem started around 2003, so we cannot blame all of these issues on the pandemic. There are books that will becoming out shortly discussing how to raise healthy children in this age of technology and how you can help your teenager overcome some of the issues they are experiencing. One easy way would be to think about your childhood and how you played outside and had sleep overs and physically interacted with your friends and the environment and encourage your children to do the same thing you did as a child.

In addition to Smartphones and computers creating difficulties with how we relate to each other, research studies have also shown that when family members use to have family dinners together on a regular basis and Sunday family dinners including grandparents, cousins and other family members, we had less depression and anxiety. Additionally, our physical health was better. We had less heart attacks and strokes (CDC). Again we are physical beings and we need direct human contact to be healthy and happy (CDC).

I suggest it may be time that we begin to re-evaluate how we interact with one another. Maybe it’s time families start eating dinner at the same time with each other and maybe it’s time we start having the big family Sunday dinners again. Also maybe we need to decrease the time we spend on social media and families can set up game nights or all participating in an activity together on Saturdays. Basically we need to look at how we can decrease our dependence on social media and electronics and increasing the amount of physical activity and interaction we have with each other.

Dr Michael Rubino has been working with children/teens, their families, trauma victims including first responders for over 25 years. For more information at Dr Rubino's work or his private practice visit his websites at www.rcs-ca.com, www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.