Abdicating Responsibility

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know there are certain phrases that I use all the time. I find them so useful and so appropriate because there are always situations where they seem to fit.

One of these phrases is one that I used consistently as my son was growing up even though it was something that I first came to believe during my corporate career.

“Just because someone abdicates their responsibility, it does not allow nor excuse you abdicating yours.”

I am sure you’ve all seen, or been involved in, situations where those around you simply abdicated their responsibility to perform a task, to perform ethically, to perform adequately, to do what needed to be done.

This can be difficult for you. You begin to wonder why you are following the rules, doing the task, doing the right thing when others have actively decided to do nothing. You quickly begin to wonder whether it’s all worth it. Whether it’s worth following the rules when others seem to suffer no consequences for their actions. I would say that this is one of the largest problems today. Not only do people not do what is required of them – – fulfilling their responsibilities – – they also seem to suffer no consequences for doing so. The daily news is filled with many perfect examples. Why are you struggling so hard when others seem to be skating through life.

It is a dangerous example to follow, though. You will always be better off for fulfilling your responsibilities no matter what others may do. Refusing to fulfill your responsibilities will result in relationships that are fraught with distrust, anger, manipulation, and worse. People will quickly see how you operate and where your ethics lie (or "lie", as the case may be). This will color their every interaction with you. Others will learn to avoid you at all costs because you are not to be trusted. Sure you may gain some short-term advantages, but I believe the long-term harm is far greater.

What is even worse is that these perceptions of you, based on your behaviors, are difficult, if not impossible, to repair. Once people become aware of your behaviors you will find it very hard to change their minds even if you make substantial changes in your behavior and your own life. "Once burned. Twice shy." is as true today as it ever was. People know when they are being scammed. No one likes being made to feel stupid. It often evokes the most extreme dislike and even hatred in others. Is this the type of anger you want to evoke? I certainly don't.

This entire concept of short-term rewards over long time rewards is something all of us fight with every day. From considerations about our health and weight loss to investment decisions and retirement planning, short-term thinking can pollute our best intentions and leave us struggling down the road. Abdicating your responsibilities is one of the worse short-term decisions you can make. It often doesn't even hold any short-term advantages. Consequences can sometimes come more swiftly than you might think.

Watch your interactions with others throughout your day and see if you are advocating your responsibilities just because someone else does it. One small, simple example is this. You arrive at the grocery store and find others parked badly -- obstructing entrances, handicap spots, and fire lanes. You might think to yourself, “Well, if no one else is going to follow the rules, why should I?“

I can give you some reasons why you should, including -- being a good citizen, avoiding confrontations with others, and avoiding having your car towed and all the associated costs. Will others be punished? There is no way to tell, but it is in your best interest to avoid such complications such unnecessary complications in your own life regardless of what others might do.

Do you have an acquaintance who is constantly dealing with chaos in their life? Is their life the proverbial "hot mess?" While life can throw you many different curveballs, I often find that much chaos arises from their failures to fulfill their most basic life responsibilities. You might forget to pay your car registration and then have to spend hours on the phone at the DMV clearing it up. Even worse, you might be pulled over and ticketed, causing even more lost time or money. Parking illegally can turn into a cascade of crises that include having your car towed, numerous fines, inability to get to work, loss of your job, and more. We don't often think enough about how our smallest missteps can lead to large crises...but we should.

Now, imagine those same thoughts being applied to larger issues like embezzlement and other crimes. Sure, others may embezzle funds, commit felonies, etc., and suffer no immediate consequences. They are risk-takers. They assume that they will never be held responsible for their actions. Are you willing to take such a risk? Are you willing to risk long sentences in prison? Probably not. Here it should be even easier to see why you should fulfill your responsibilities no matter what anyone else might do. It can go far beyond simple civil behavior and yet the same rules apply in the parking lot.

An adage states “ethics are what you do when no one is watching.“ Nearly anyone can act ethically with someone looking over their shoulder, whether via security cameras or in person. What we do when no one is watching is more important. This is a clear marker of someone who takes their responsibilities seriously both for themselves and for those around them.

While it may seem easier to abdicate your responsibilities in the short term, I believe that in the long term you, and everyone around you, will suffer greatly. It may not happen today. It may not happen tomorrow, but consequences will follow in some fashion. Why complicate your life just because others have decided to complicate yours?