On Patience, Consideration, and a Better Life…

On Patience, Consideration, and a Better Life…

In both life and work, patience is always a necessity. I found this out early in my career. I was able to help people with computers, but I had to find my patience to be able to do this effectively and prevent myself from falling into the typical computer person who sighs deeply at every question and impatiently makes everyone feel stupid. I saw this in too many of my colleagues -- and in myself -- and knew that if I wanted to be effective I needed to find a way around it.
I am unsure how I found a way around the typical computer person behaviors, but I did. Part of this was realizing that -- no matter what -- I wanted to help people have a good experience with their computer and gain all the benefits that technology offered them. People greatly appreciated this. They often complimented me on how I worked so hard to not make them feel stupid. I would find metaphors they could relate to and speak to them in the language that best understood. This allowed me to work for some clients for more than 2 decades and help me feel a deep fulfillment in my work.

I knew it was time to get out of the computer support business, though, when I could feel my patience beginning to wain. The state of computer hardware and software began to change and, in some ways, fail my desire to make them useful for everyone. Malware threats led to more and more clean-up work as opposed to helping people actually USE their computers. As this type of call increased, I could feel my patience, fulfillment, and desire slipping away.

A big change...

Then, added to the mix, were some fairly serious health issues that put me in the hospital for 5 days and in recovery at home for several months. While not related to my work in any way, this event allowed my inherent anxiety and depression issues to flourish. For the most part, I was able to function fairly well with these issues before, but after I found that my work produced enough anxiety in me to make it difficult, if not impossible, to do the work I had done for decades.
Looking back, I can see that my loss of patience was a huge sign that something was not right. I should have headed that sign much earlier than I did. My health problems were an undeniable sign that I could ignore them no longer. A perfect storm, it seemed.
Thankfully, a few months of counseling and medication helped me to get back on track and start moving forward again. This didn't change my opinion about the work I had been doing though. That part of my career was over, but at least I had a better understanding of what was happening and what the future might hold.

A Sign For Us All

So if you find yourself losing patience with your work or other aspects of your life, see it as the important sign it is. Your brain -- and in some cases, your heart -- is trying to tell you something. Something is wrong and you need to think deeply about what that might be. Ignoring it won't help. It will only make it a larger issue in the future when you are forced to deal with -- as I was.
Loss of patience can be a sign but also a catalyst for larger problems. Constant annoyance with your colleagues will eventually wear them down. They will stop interacting with you, promoting you, and may even end up firing you because you are too difficult to deal with. In most cases, I find this isn't a conscious decision on your part, but rather a default reaction to something that is not right in your life. You're not a bad person, but you may be acting in ways that are harmful to yourself and those around you.

What to do now?

If you recognize yourself in the words above, don't worry. You can discover what the issue might be and figure out ways to deal with it. You can change your work or lifestyle and/or adapt behaviors to help you better cope.
One behavior I adopted was something both small and soft. I had my To-Do list give me a short, daily reminder. Three words.

"Consider Your Response."

Much as had happened in my earlier days, I had fallen into kneejerk, unthinking, responses when faced with questions or issues. I stopped thinking about how or why I responded in certain ways and became a stereotypical, grouchy, old, man in many ways.

By reminding myself to "Consider Your Response" I was started to slow my thinking, my actions, and my responses. I took a moment -- and often a depth breath -- unseen by others -- that allowed me to consider what I was about to say and how I was about to say it. I think this can and has helped my interaction with others dramatically. Am I perfect it? Of course not, but striving to be better is always an important goal and one that can see rewards even when imperfect.
Some recent reading has led me to another important way of thinking when interacting with others. When you are about to say something, think through these 3 steps:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it necessary?

I think most of us have a good idea of what is true and kind, but I know, for me, is it necessary can be troublesome. For me, it means letting go of the need to correct every small thing that comes my way. Is it truly necessary for another to know when they don't have something just quite right, when they mispronounce a word, when a fact is slightly wrong, when they don't do something exactly the way that you might? Probably not. Of course, a lot depends on the size of the error, but unless it is somehow life or career-threatening, you can probably let it go.

BUT this can be sooooooo difficult. Especially if you are like me and lack a certain amount of confidence in yourself. Since I worry so much about being wrong myself, I act as if everyone else is just as afraid as I am. I am projecting my personal fears onto everyone around me to their detriment and mine. In cases like this, remembering the 3 questions above -- and acting on them -- could lead the way to better interactions and a better life.

If your patience is lacking. If you are finding yourself more and more annoyed with yourself and others. If you are pushing people away instead of drawing them closer. It is time to consider why you are impatient, annoyed, and unhappy. If you do, I think you will find that there are changes you can make to restore your balance again and return to a place of comfort, productivity, and good mental health that we all need so much.

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