What Your Child Needs From You When the World Turns Upside Down

My husband and I are afraid for our children.

We have four beautiful daughters, and the world is spiraling.

More than 5,000 children in Solano County have Covid.

Child Covid hospitalizations nationally have skyrocketed.

Children the same ages as our daughters have been placed on ventilators, and some have died.

One of us could unwittingly bring Covid home to our family, including our precious newborn.

And though they don’t affect us directly, heartbreaking scenes from the Caldor Fire and Afghanistan are playing out in the background.

It's enough to terrify any parent. But as frightening as the world appears to us, the rational adults, it’s infinitely more frightening to our children.

Like parents everywhere, I want to reassure and comfort my girls. I want them to feel safe.

And my children do feel safe - because of neuroscience.

No Einstein stuff.

No intellectual foolishness.

Just simple techniques that I use as an educator in the classroom to help my students improve their grades. The same ideas help my children feel secure and empowered.

For example, one technique is to give my daughters experiences.

Research shows that kids don’t always believe what you tell them. They have to see and feel it, be immersed in it, connect with it through stories and memories. So, instead of telling them things will get better, parents can:

1. Sit down to watch cartoons and movies where the characters are fearful or anxious but win in the end. When kids see how others are able to manage anxiety, overcome fears and ultimately triumph, they'll feel empowered to do it themselves. You and your child have likely seen favorites like "The Lion King," "The Wizard of Oz," and "Spiderman." But now you can watch and talk about the optimism and courage of the main characters and how they thrived.

2. Put on a playlist of “you’re going to be okay” songs. Learn the lyrics together, and don't forget to dance. When you move, your heart pumps more oxygen to the brain. That makes the songs' messages really hit home. YouTube lists lots of children's songs about perseverance and courage. And check out Sara Bareilles' "Brave" and Bob Marley and the Wailers' "Three Little Birds."

3. Read books that help children calm their own anxieties, like “The Huge Bag of Worries.” Reading gives you the chance to get physically close. "Co-regulating" is the fancy word for how a child will feel calmer when they're snuggled against a calm parent. Do a google search of "children's books to ease worries" to find others that are age appropriate.

4. Relive memories of when they were able to overcome obstacles. "Remember that time you thought you wouldn't make friends at your new school?" "Remember when you were sure you were going to get a bad report card?" "Remember when you were scared to learn to swim?" "How did that feel?" "What happened?" "Tell me what could happen with what you're worried about now?"

Don't just comfort your children. Give them uplifting experiences or help them remember moments of triumph. It's the only way your messages of hope and reassurance will really sink in. That's how a child's brain works.

In future posts, I’ll share with you other ways to support and nurture your children in ways that really stick.

And please share your own tips - How else can parents ease the fears of their little ones in this upside down world?