I'm Totally Writing 'Sharkquake', Granby Board of Selectmen, East Granby Road Repairs

Good morning, Granby and East Granby! Today is Monday, Aug. 5, 2013; there are 148 days left in the year.

Kids, as you all know, I loved me some of that movie “Sharknado.” I probably loved it too much, considering that, yes, it was just a really bad movie.

So you can understand my panic on Saturday when I saw on Facebook the mock poster for “Sharkalanche” that accompanies this post.

You see, I, too, am working on my own-sharkalyptic-themed script for “Sharkquake”(tm), which means that “Sharkalanche” hits way too close to home.

In “Sharkquake”(tm) - subtitled “We’re all fracked” - an evil natural gas company (is there any other kind?) gets permission to frack the San Andreas Fault. Much like the Moria dwarves in the Lord of the Rings movie, the evil gas company digs too greedily and too deep, causing an earthquake that sinks San Francisco into the bay.

Sharks eat the residents of sunken San Francisco, while our hero - a geologist (is there any other kind of geologist than the hero kind?) who warned everyone that the city would sink into the ocean if the gas company is allowed to frack the fault - goes to save his family, including his estranged wife. The geologist will be played by Tom Cavanagh. He's, like, the coolest guy ever.

Spoiler alert: the estranged wife, played by Jenny Garth, has a pompous fiance who works for the gas company, and that dude totally gets eaten by a shark. Cuz that’s what happens to pompous, gas-company-executive-fiance dudes.

Not convinced? Consider the following:

Fact: there are great white sharks off the coast of San Francisco.

Fact 2: there are, like, 1.3 billion great white sharks near that city who consider humans, instead of Rice-A-Roni, to be the San Francisco treat. (OK, that may not be a fact, but stick with me here, kids, I need to sell this script to Syfy).

Fact 3: Syfy will buy any script that has to deal with sharks eating large numbers of people (see, e.g., Sharknado, Sharktopus, Ghost Shark, etc...)

Fact 4: I need the dough.

So please push for me to write the script, and pay no mind to Sharkalanche.

This works on so many levels.

Anyhoo, here’s what’s coming up this week:

1. The Granby Board of Selectmen meets tonight at 7:30 p.m.

2. Craftweek at the Granby Public Library this week! Wooohooo!

3. Teen Scavenger Hunt at the Granby Public Library on Aug. 7 at 7 p.m.

4. The East Granby Elementary School Building Committee meets Aug. 8 at 7 p.m.

5. East Granby First Selectman Jim Hayden announced that significant road repairs would take place on Holcomb Road during the months of August and September.