Moms Talk Q & A: Coping with Loss

New Port Richey Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in West Pasco County.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource to talk about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Today's Moms Talk focuses on dealing with loss. Grab some coffee and read the new Pen Name Jane and our Moms Council member's thoughts on the subject.  Then, give us your thoughts in the comments.

Analyn Megison is a mother of two and a contributor and columnist for New Port Richey Patch and Land O' Lakes Patch. Here are her thoughts on today's subject.

"I am sorry for your loss" can go a long way in helping one heal from grief.  When there is a loss in life, some types of loss get a different response or response than others.  When there is a death, there can then be a funeral or a memorial service of some kind.  But when a loss can be more hidden, such as a miscarriage, that parent can suffer in silence and if the grief is shared, it can be misunderstood or worse:  it goes by completely unacknowledged.

Name your baby.  You are not alone in suffering pregnancy loss because of a miscarriage, stillbirth, car accident, or an entopic pregnancy.  You are not alone in grieving that loss and wondering why your arms ache to hold your child, or even remembering the anniversary date for when you discovered that you were pregnant with your son or daughter.  Name your child.  Life is so very precious, and a rose by any other name is still a rose, and you have the right to name your child regardless of what others think, say, or do, because it is not about “them” anyway.  Will you have days that are happy or sad after you went through this experience?  Yes.  And you are so very right to reach out.  Courage in action here is acknowledging to yourself and loved ones that your loss and grief do matter. It is no secret, but courage is moving past fear and remembering that love is the most powerful thing there is, and you can certainly love that child regardless of this local culture’s position on valuing life.

Appreciate all life, no matter how small, and never underestimate it for the gift and blessing that it is.  Love is a decision: embracing the joys and sorrows in a life when you have decided to love includes healing from the pain of loss.  A resource that is available for some healing and help to mothers and fathers who have lost a child before birth, please, please call Emma at Catholic Charities 813-924-4173. 

Andrea Delaney is a mother of three in Holiday and an English major at Ashford University. Here are her thoughts on the subject today:  

While I cannot relate personally to the loss of a child, I can relate to suffering a loss that can send you into the depths of despair.

 Two years ago I found myself in the grips of what a counselor informed me was “delayed” grief. I felt completely overwhelmed and alone.

A friend directed to the support group, Grief Share. Here are some things that I learned on my journey: Our lives are marked by losses; some of the losses are minor bumps in the road and others are life changing. Never compare what you are experiencing to others because no two people grieve alike.     The passing of time does not bring healing. In truth time alone heals nothing. It is what you do in the time that sustains you.  How you deal with each loss determines your ability to resume your daily life.   Don’t become frustrated when progress seems slow. There is no quick fix or short cut when dealing with grief. My support group had an expression that we used. I still find myself whispering these words today, “The only way is through.”   

Grief is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it takes a great deal of strength to walk this path.   I learned to refer to my grief as a journey; although unplanned and unwanted. If you are suffering with a loss, your journey has already begun. Accepting the loss, believing you will survive, and communicating your needs is a vital part of your recovery. I recommend joining a support group. There is great comfort in sharing with others walking a similar path.     http://www.griefshare.org