Runners' High? More Like Runners' Low

It’s morning and before I even check my email, I put on my work out cl othes and head to the gym. The air is crisp and I can’t wait to jump start my day with a nice run.

I go to the gym and run. It clears my head so I can edit the rest of the day. I’ve found that it decreases my appetite, so I eat far less when I run first thing in the morning.

Wait, no. That’s not what happens.

I drag my sleepy behind out of bed, wake up my dog and get some semblance of work out clothes on that usually involve at least one article of pajamas from the night before.

It’s been a while since I’ve written this column, but surprisingly I have kept my new years’ resolution to become fit. The final frontier, running a half-marathon, still looms in my future.

About a month ago I really started running. From there, I’ve learned that it does not clear my mind. Actually, when I run, all I can think is “step, step, step, Law and Order, step, step, I’m hungry, step.”

It does not make me eat less. It takes all my will power not to turn right out of the gym parking lot and go toI love some McNuggets.

I’m not energized. I’m sleepy. My ankles itch. I trip on the treadmill a lot. I get depressed because the only other people at the gym at 6 a.m. are the 70-and-up crowd and they can out run me. How can I compete with Titanium knees? They’re a step away from being bionic, some of them.

I always wanted to be a runner. They’re so cool. Runners always talk about running stuff and they get the best t-shirts from marathons. I want a t-shirt.

So why do I do this? No really, I’m asking you. Why do people run? Does it get better? I’ve been at this for a little over a month now and it’s not getting better. My desire to be one of those cool running people is dwindling with every chilly morning I get up to go.

Help? I know runners are out there just waiting to give me advice. I see y’all running down Hickory Road as I pass you in my Civic. I see you all perky and energetic at Starbucks, juggling two or three kids and talking on your phone about your 5-mile run you got in this morning. Why can’t I do that? Do you really enjoy it? Do you ever stop thinking “right, left, right, left, right, left?”