Asking For Help Can Make Older Adults More Independent

Palos Heights, IL – Human beings evolved by living in communities and sharing the load of daily living tasks. Humans worked together to feed themselves, raise children and care for each other. But somewhere along the way, somehow, asking for help became a negative and bearing the load all alone became the desired goal.

Eleanor Foster understands that feeling. She had taken a computer class years ago at Moraine Valley Community College, but new technologies were escaping her and she felt at a disadvantage. At 72, the retired bus driver says, “I still check the fluids in my car, I’ve always got an air pump in case I get a flat. As women especially, we have to be self-sufficient.”

Joe Steven felt the same. Formerly a small business owner, Steven was always willing to reach out and help others, but had a great deal of trouble asking for help himself. When his wife Tracy was diagnosed with Pick’s disease or frontotemporal dementia, a rare neurodegenerative disorder, he fought as long as he could to manage both the business and Tracy’s failing memory and personality changes by himself.

But Foster needed help learning the newest technologies, and Steven felt overwhelmed. Thankfully, Pathlights offers the helping hand they’ve both embraced.

Celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, Pathlights has been a vital component in southwest suburban Cook County, guiding people along the path to aging as part of a healthy, empowered and compassionate community. The agency provides a wide variety of assistance to older adults and their families, including access to nutrition and food, in-home services, and safety from abuse. Pathlights also offers a full schedule of support groups and learning opportunities each month.

Foster noticed the flyer advertising Pathlights’ TechWise classes at the William Leonard Public Library. “I’ve taken it twice so far,” she says, “and learned different things at each class. I’m waiting for a third class to begin because there’s still things I’d like to know.”

“I really want to stay in touch with technology. I’m still not comfortable with QR codes, so I need help with that. And why do I need to enter my email to go to the grocery store? Is that even a good idea?” Foster says.

A relative recommended Pathlights’ Memory Café to Steven, who was disturbed that Tracy’s world was growing smaller and smaller. “TV had become her center,” says Steven. “I wanted her away from the TV and out of the house; that’s why we started going. She engages from the moment she walks in until the moment we leave. The people are so much fun. She enjoys the activities, she enjoys the interaction with other people and she enjoys the staff.”

Jenna Stock, Social Worker and Caregiver Specialist with Pathlights, facilitates Memory Café at both the Orland Park Library and the Matteson Area Public Library District. “There can be a feeling of isolation for those experiencing memory loss,” says Stock. “Here, participants and their caregivers can find things in common and engage with people in similar situations, and everyone can truly be themselves. The Memory Café is a supportive social gathering, a safe comfortable space for the people who are living with dementia, Alzheimer’s, and other forms of memory loss and for their caregivers. Caregivers tell us it’s nice to get out of the house and feel connected. They go out, they have a snack and coffee or tea, they can converse, see people, meet up and check in with each other. They can also get a break to sit back and relax, or enjoy the music and crafts with their loved one, which is something they may not be able to do at home anymore.”

“It is wonderful to see Tracy smiling and laughing,” Steven says. “She loves doing the seasonal crafts, making cards. There’s a lot of music, which my wife really, really likes. Music is big for her. If I tell her to just brush her teeth, she might do it for 10 seconds, but if I play a song, she’ll brush for the length of the song.”

Foster sees enormous benefits from the education TechWise classes have provided. “I really have gained a lot of confidence with what I’m doing with the computer. I can do it on my phone better than anything! Jason helped us get our Emergency Contact Number set up in our phone; it wasn’t that difficult. He talked us through it, did it up in front of the class, explained it to us all, waited for us all to get caught up – I don’t know if he has kids,” she laughs, “but he really has patience with us.”

Reaching out for help has improved Foster’s computer skills. “I’m telling everybody – go for it! You need to take this class! Sometimes, at our age, we’re kind of intimidated, but technology is the way the world is going and if you don’t get into computers, you are behind the times. Some of us are hard-headed, but the teachers are so patient, even if we tend to ask the same questions over and over.”

For Steven, getting assistance from the Memory Café has also introduced him to Pathlights’ respite care. “I’m really excited about that. Tracy can’t be left alone, even if I go outside to do yard work.” With the respite care, he notes, they can relieve him for a few hours and Steven can be comfortable knowing someone he trusts is watching over her.

Foster is eager to ask for support and wisdom at the next series of TechWise classes. “I have a list of questions already and I can’t wait to learn from Jason and Rojean.”

Stevens and Tracy, meanwhile, are benefiting from joining the Memory Café communities. “It’s such a positive – her neurologist is so pleased that we’re going.”

Asking for help and reaching out to broader communities is innately human – and being enveloped into the warm and welcoming environments that Pathlights provides helps make everyone feel a little more self-sufficient.