From Temper Tantrums to Trophy Children: Maryland Super Granny Nanny to the Rescue

Laura Steele started cooking up the idea to become the Super Granny Nanny after watching the hit reality ABC television show with the similar name.

“I remember seeing [The Supernanny], and watching a couple of episodes and saying to myself, ‘I can do that. Better.’”

Steele, 68, of Oella, the historic mill town in western Baltimore County, is a part-time parenting coach and psychotherapist. She started calling herself the “Super Granny Nanny” about four years ago when she couldn’t shake her concern for the families left in the aftermath of Supernanny Jo Frost’s advice.

“I kept wondering to myself, what’s happening to those families after she leaves?” she said.

The Maryland Super Granny Nanny was born.

“I kind of do it – [as] a grandmother with expertise and experience–which is what I am,” she said.

Steele has two grown children and five grandchildren.

She charges $50 for half-hour sessions, which can occur in person or on the phone. She helps parents throughout Maryland and the country deal with kids’ temper tantrums, sleeping issues, obedience or whatever other issue they might be grappling with.

Before she became the granny nanny, Steele was a therapist for the Infants and Toddler Program, which is a federally mandated initiative that provides home-based services for children birth to 3 with developmental delays. She was a counselor through the program, employed first by Anne Arundel, then by Montgomery County, which she points out are among the highest-earning areas in the country.

“I worked for families who had the nanny, and what I saw was--you know the term ‘trophy wife?’ Well there are ‘trophy children.’ I saw a number of moms who really aren’t moms. Everything was put off on the nanny and that was the connection with the kids, not with mom and not with dad, the nanny.”

Steele said she has worked with both wealthy families and those struggling on the economic continuum, but the fact remains that Howard County, where her practice is based, is among the top 10 wealthiest areas nationally, with a median household income of  $101,003, according to U.S. Census data.

Montgomery County is in the top 20 wealthiest counties nationwide, with a median income of $92,213, and Anne Arundel is among the top 40 counties nationwide, with $81,824 as the median household income.

“A lot of families in the upper middle class are two working parents, and there isn’t a lot of time,” she said. “I think one of the more difficult items is to help families figure out how to make spending one-on-one time with their kids a priority.”

Today, Steele said there is even less time for togetherness between families, especially as belt-tightening occurs in hard economic times.

“Those stresses are even more so,” she said. “There is less energy, less time and less connection.”

Linda Baker, chair of the department of psychology at University of Maryland Baltimore County, said time isn’t the only factor in how parents spend with their children.

“When parents have more time with their child, they are busy with other things,” she said. “When they have limited time, they have more focus, they talk with the child. That’s the most important thing parents can do.”

Baker notes, though, that she endorses the idea of struggling parents seeking professional help from someone like a parent coach or the granny nanny, an impartial observer.

“It’s reasonable because parents sometimes aren’t aware of how they are actually interacting and responding with a child,” she said. “Having somebody more detached and objective actually can be helpful.”

Bodil Eriksson, a parent coach based in Bethesda, said she helps clients in suburban Maryland and Baltimore County, as well as around the world.

For parents living in and around the Beltway, commuting challenges often translate into behavioral issues, she said.

“Parents are stressed out by traffic, and how do they keep their child [behaving] in the car, sitting on the Beltway waiting to get home from commuting?” said Eriksson, who charges $75 per hour to coach parents.

“One of the things I do is help them understand how to do ‘self care’ and look at what are they doing for themselves to stay sane,” she added, explaining that she has counseled parents with a long commute with their children to take a five-minute break before they start, and take the time to eat before they pick up their child.

Steele also said that in many cases, she is there is listen to parents and coach them on how to evaluate their own feelings and experience.

She recalls one case in which a mother struggled with one of her sons, a toddler, who was having frequent temper tantrums. Steele urged the woman to record in a diary when the meltdowns occurred and how long they lasted.

The mother noticed that the tantrums were not as long as she thought and they occurred before mealtimes or other transitions in the day. Steele said she urged her to give lots of warnings and cues that changes in the boy’s day were going to occur.

“Some kids, especially kids with certain temperaments, have a really hard time with transitions,” she said. “It just confuses them. And when a little kid is confused, they have a meltdown.”

Becky Klug, of Asheville, NC, is among those who have sought Steele’s help.

When her son Adam, 9, was about 3, he had a hard time getting used to the birth of his then-newborn sister, Abby.

“He never hurt her, but he was very angry,” she said. “It would come out in the form of hysterics, and it would be up to two hours of anger, slamming doors.”

His behavior took a toll on Becky and her husband, Andy. While staying at home with her son and her new baby, Becky said she was at her wits’ end.

“There were so many times all three of us were in the couch in tears,” she said.

Steele, through meetings on the phone, urged Becky to play constructive games with her son, such as hide and seek, where, upon finding him, she would talk about how glad she was to see him and how she thought he was gone.

“It was affirming,” she said. “Laura, by listening and counseling and guiding, was able to give me some tools and some confidence.”

Steele, who is still developing her online presence and does not have a website, can be found at lsteele66@verizon.net.