Win Warmth: Tell Us Just How (Freezing) Cold It Is

You’ve seen the weather forecast: The coldest arctic blast in more than two decades is on the way, leaving huge swaths of the continental United States colder than Alaska and even Antarctica.

In Michigan, the wind chill Thursday dipped to 35 below zero.

Here’s the good news, we suppose: If you get a smile on your face and step outside for just a minute or two, that smile is going to be frozen for a long, long, time. (Yes. That’s it for the good news.)

Let’s make the most of it. Tell us, in a funny way, just How Cold Is It?! Add your answer here, and we’ll compile the best from our Patch sites across the country. The winner, as chosen totally arbitrarily by a panel of Patch judges we haven’t chosen yet, gets a Patch huggie and, really, a Patch ice scraper.

In describing the cold, we’d appreciate if you would restrict the F-Words you use to “freezing.”

Here, from the very cool website Athropos are 10 funny — pretty funny — It’s Soooo Cold jokes to get you, um, warmed up. Add yours!

IT'S SOOOO COLD......

1. The optometrist is giving away free ice scrapers with eyeglasses
2. Pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers pockets to keep them warm
3. Politicians have their hands in their own pockets
4. Squirrels in the park are throwing themselves against the electric fence
5. Dogs are wearing cats
6. Teenagers aren’t embarrassed by acne, they’re embarrassed by goose pimples
7. When we milked the cows we got ice cream
8. I chipped my tooth on my soup
9. We didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it
10. You have to kick a hole in the air just to get outside