PurplePTSD: Giving Thanks For Kirk Cousins, Justin Jefferson, And Pumpkin Pie

Press release from the PurplePTSD:

Tom Woldum

2021-11-28

It was 11 p.m., the day before Thanksgiving, and I found myself at Cub Foods roaming the aisles. We all have our favorite Turkey Day food item(s), and mine is pumpkin pie, with a liberal pile of Cool Whip on top. My wife, a wonderful cook and appreciator of good food, is horrified that I prefer the “imitation whipped cream” (or, as the fine folks at Kraft-Heinz Corp. refer to it, “Whipped Topping”) over a good spray can of actual whipped cream, or ideally in her eyes, heavy cream whipped to a frenzy until it achieves full-on Authentic Whipped Cream Status. As if that weren’t enough, I also lean towards a frozen Mrs. Smith’s Original Flaky Crust pumpkin pie over most homemade versions.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the Genuine Articles, whether they be pie or topping, but there’s something about those two pre-packaged items served together that just tastes like the holidays. And family. And drying leaves swirling in the yard, and fires in the fireplace, and loved ones nearby, and football. The whole package goes together, and I am very thankful for all of it. Especially the loved ones. And the pie and the Cool Whip.

At this time of year, the missus regards me even more warily than normal as she watches me make questionable choices about what foods I consume, and about how I choose to spend my Sunday afternoons. In her very beautiful and very wise eyes, it’s a tossup about which will send me to an early grave—eating too much junk food or continuing to invest my emotional well-being in the Minnesota Vikings. And, even though our favorite football team has pushed my blood pressure well into the red zone (and not the 20-yards from a touchdown kind) I still embrace them with the same kind of I-know-it’s-not-good-for-me-but-I’m-going-to-love-it-anyway devotion that I reserve for a certain Whipped Topping.

Which brings me back to my 11 p.m. grocery run. It had been a busy week, and though we had accounted for the turkey and most of the standard accoutrements expected of a Thanksgiving feast, it had come to my attention we had no pie. It was well worth a late night grocery trip to address this egregious hole in our menu plan. When I got there, however, I was stunned to discover that the frozen food aisle was completely devoid of Mrs. Smith’s Original Flaky Crust pumpkin pies. They were completely sold out. Clearly, I’m not the only one who has a passion for the product.

Was I devastated? No, I was not.

With my favorite Thanksgiving Carol, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” squarely in mind, I brought home a can of pumpkin filling and some spice. The next morning, with the parades on TV, my wife was in the kitchen baking a not-frozen pie, whistling a happy tune knowing that I would be settling for something even better than my first choice. I am thankful for this: I’m blessed with a great wife and a wonderful family.

And we are all blessed with the Purple and Gold. Allow me to elaborate. Let’s say grace:

Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I think we’ve all got a lot to be thankful for as Viking fans. Like my trip to the grocery store, the Vikings have pivoted to Plan B on many occasions this year, and, as my wife would tell you, Plan B can end up being better for you, even if it should have been Plan A all along.

By the way, the homemade pumpkin pie was, indeed, fantastic. My wife made Mrs. Smith proud, as I knew she would. And, thankfully, it was topped with a huge dollop of Cool Whip. You get what you need.

This press release was produced by the PurplePTSD. The views expressed here are the author’s own.