Lakeville Moms Talk Q&A: What to do When Your Children are Bullied

Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Lakeville.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Lakeville Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

So, grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question:

What do you do when your children are the target of bullies?

Nicole, mom to a 14 year-old-girl and 12-year-old boy: This is a tough one for me as I was bullied as a kid growing up in Brooklyn, NY. The few times that this has happened to my own children, I have confronted the bully myself. When I was in middle school I was bullied by the toughest girl in school. My mother was worried about me and spoke to the girl herself and dug in. She ended up having such a heart for the girl who did indeed apologize to me at the end of the day. To top it all off, she ended up at our house for dinner.

When I spoke to a bully in regards to my kids, I have never gone in guns a blazing. I use my moms approach of getting to the "why." If that doesn't work its time to chat with the parents. Its been sad as you will see it starts at home. Whether the child needs attention, has no parent at home to engage with or is being bullied at home.

Janet, mom to four girls ages 12, 10, 7 and 10 months: I am like a Mama Bear when it comes to my kids...don't mess with them! That being said, I guess I haven't really experienced physical bullying in Lakeville. 

I have all girls, and usually their bullying comes in the form of emotional bullying. Any time my kids have issues with other kids, if it's serious enough, I go straight to the teachers. The teachers at Lake Marion are just wonderful and things always get resolved.

I also try to give my kids the empowerment to stick up for themselves. I'm not talking about physically, but verbally. They always have the right to tell someone when they are being hurtful. The first line of defense is the child.  Making it known that they won't stand for bullying is a big part of protecting themselves from it. They also need to know that if that doesn't work, then going to an adult is the right thing to do.

Pamela, mom of two: The best advice I can give my kids about bullying is to be confident in who they are and to try to understand that bullies are insecure about themselves. Adults and friends are people who can help, and if you are being bullied, you should reach out for help. Kids need to have a network of adults that they can trust when they need help.

Tonia, mom to three children ages 7, 6 and 2: I am thankful we have not encountered much of this, although I know it is out there and no child is going to get through school without having a brush with a bully at some point. I can’t stand the saying “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me”—what an idiotic quip. I try to make sure my kids know that they can come to me and share what has happened to them at school, on the playground, etc.

Keeping communication open is important in so many ways. I also will pry a little and ask if everyone was “nice” at school. Getting them to open up a little gives me a chance to talk them through some scenarios and discuss how they felt and what they can do in those situations. It is also a great time to reiterate the message that I never want them to be on the other end and bullying someone else. 

The above answers were provided by members of the Lakeville Moms Council. Members include mothers of toddlers to teens: Nicole Bella Remini-Wiskow, Janet Quick, Tonia Johnson, Pamela Zidarich and Charla Zappetillo. The Lakeville Moms Council meets monthly to discuss issues related to raising kids locally. For more information, email derrick.williams@patch.com.