Christmas Fallacies, 2021

Now that December 25th has come and gone, now that the upcoming new year hasn’t fully gotten underway, it’s time to look back on our 2021 Holiday Season with critical yet discerning eyes.

Oh, wait. You’re sick and tired of Christmas now, aren’t you? You think it’s too late to look back on it now, right? See, that’s what I’m talking about here, dear readers. We think Christmas only does come but once a year and is over in just 24 hours. Wrong!

Somewhere along the line, we’ve bought into this belief system that not only defines what Christmas is but how we all must celebrate it. We’ve been drinking the Xmas Kool-Aid for so long that we mindlessly go along with accepted beliefs and traditions without question. It’s almost like we buy into what The Man wants us to do and feel on December 25th when we don’t want to do or feel what we think we’re supposed to feel.

So I’m offering this little list so you can go over it, think about it, and still be able to celebrate a little on January 6th.

FALLACY #1: The Christmas Season only comes on December 25th and only lasts 24 hours.

Actually, traditional celebration begins on Christmas Day, December 25th, but continues during the following 12 days of Christmas, then ends after celebrating the Feast of the 3 Kings on January 6th!

That gives us almost 2 weeks to reflect, pray, and connect with our own humanity in whatever way we choose.

We should not feel limited, in other words, by man-made schedules in our reflections — or celebrations.

FALLACY#2: If Christmas isn’t magical and wonderful like the ones on the Hallmark Channel, then something’s terribly wrong with you!

Stop! Nothing’s wrong with you. You’ve just bought into that fantasyland that the Hallmark Channel becomes every December. Of course, holiday movies and specials are fun to watch. But when they present such unrealistic, idealized versions of reality that no ordinary human being could possibly experience, it’s time to turn the channel. Or maybe even turn off your TV.

If you’re lucky enough to experience a wonderful, magical holiday season, great. Good for you. Because we’re human beings with daily ups and downs, however, we’re not always going to have fun around Christmastime. So stop feeling disappointed, depressed, or sad because real life never lives up to such pre-fab fantasies.

FALLACY #3: Because it’s Christmas, you HAVE to celebrate it with a lot of other people. You can’t be alone on Christmas — it’s the law.

Somehow, celebrating Christmas has become so synonymous with togetherness that now everyone MUST connect with other people. There’s no other choice. You HAVE to do it. You HAVE to bond. That’s the way it is now. No one is allowed to be alone at Christmas. Even if you’re celebrating the holiday with another significant other, or spouse, or friend, you’re considered to be ALONE.

Somehow, being ALONE and being LONELY has become one and the same. So if you’re alone on Christmas or Christmas Eve, that means you’re sad and forgotten and(oh no!) LONELY. Now, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating the holiday with your family and loved ones. And yet, Christmas is also a holiday that welcomes — even encourages — reflection and introspection. So what’s wrong with honoring The Christ Child’s Nativity with prayer and solitude? What’s wrong with focusing on the religious aspects of the season? Certainly, you don’t need to be in a crowded room with 30 or more people in order to offer your personal praises to our Lord.

There are many ways to celebrate this Holy Day, and you don’t have to do it in a crowded place, especially during a Pandemic.

So be alone. Be by yourself if you want to be, dear readers. No, I’m not trying to play Scrooge here. I’m just pointing out a reality that too many people keep forgetting. That is, being alone around Christmastime is NOT the same as being lonely around Christmastime.

FALLACY #4: Because Christmas is the season of love and forgiveness and understanding, you HAVE to spend this holiday with people who don’t like you — even if they’ve hurt you and will continue to keep hurting you.

Spending time away from people who hurt you — even if you’re related to them — during Christmas is not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. That decision might not play well on the Hallmark Channel, but it truly is a healthy, functional way to spend this holiday season.

Look, I’m all for family togetherness at Christmas. But what if your family is dysfunctional? What if your family just doesn’t like you? What if they don’t even want you around?

Would Jesus really want you to spend the Nativity with people who have a history of emotionally or verbally abusing you? Maybe the best way to demonstrate kindness is by being kind to yourself.

Take my friend Noelle and her family, for example. No, that’s not her real name. I’m only calling her that because this op-ed involves Christmas and Noelle sounds more Christmassy than Karen…and she’s definitely not a Karen.

Noelle’s own family just doesn’t like her. For decades, they’ve unfairly criticized, bullied, and scapegoated her…for no reason. They simply decided she should play the role of black sheep in the family and acted accordingly. I’m not talking about snotty little carps, either. I’m talking about micro-aggressions that have morphed into vicious personal attacks. I’m talking about family members questioning her mental capacity(?) and falsely accusing her of stealing from her parents. Yet for decades she put up with their hostilities.Why? As she once rationalized, “They’re my family, they’re the only family I’ll ever have.”

But this family didn’t even want her around at Christmas. No, they never sent her a greeting card that read “Merry Christmas, Now go away!” But they might as well have. One year, her sister actually informed her she couldn’t go down to their aunt’s house and celebrate both Christmas and Christmas Eve. She had to choose one or the other. And then, the rest of the family would visit when she wasn’t around.(And it wasn’t even her sister’s house, it was their aunt’s house!) That should have been the last straw. But it wasn’t. Noelle still tried to keep the lines of communication open. The last straw finally came when she was falsely accused of mistreating their ailing uncle. Noelle then realized that no matter how sincere or accommodating she was, her family would never change. So she stopped trying to interact with them. And it was really easy, she said, because her relatives had stopped speaking to her, anyway.

So does Noelle feel sad and left out during the holidays? Sometimes, she said, sometimes a little. But she’s also relieved that she no longer has to endure any more soul-scorching gatherings where she’s either completely ignored, or else, endlessly targeted with insults.

For her, being alone at Christmas with only herself and husband around is not being lonely. That’s the reality that so many happy people in functional families forget. If your own family has a history of mistreating you, you don’t have to hang out with them just because it’s “The Holiday Season.”

FALLACY #5: Celebrating Christmas is pretty much the same all over.

The real beauty of Christmas is that one size does NOT fit all. Despite the many similarities of seasonal celebrations, what makes Christmas so memorable lies with the uniqueness of its celebrants, not with dictates that force you to celebrate in the same way.

Resolve now to celebrate next Christmas in your own way and no one else’s.