More Lipstick on Republican Pigs

Chris Christie is a big fat slob.

But I can’t say that because it would be fat-shaming.

Nikki Haley is a ditzy broad who keeps flip-flopping her political agenda.

But I can’t say that either because it would be sexist — also, an attack on her innate girlishness.

Then there’s Joe Biden.

With this guy, I can always join in the chorus of “Too old to be President!” and never get into any trouble for being unfairly ageist. Why?

Because any biased trope used against any Republican is wrong, wrong, wrong, while any biased trope used against any Democrat is okay. Whatever you say or write about any Democrat is always acceptable because it’s merely an expression of your freedom of speech. Not so with Republicans. Anything derogatory about The Grand Old Party is unacceptable. So watch your mouth and e-mails. It’s that simple, dear readers.

You can always slam a Democrat, but you just can’t criticize a Republican.

And, if you dare to diss a Republican for any reason whatsoever, be prepared for responses that epitomize the term “double standard.” The GOP wagons will encircle one of their own in a protective maneuver. Then get ready for the silliest, most defensive tropes ever launched in GOP backlash.

CHRIS CHRISTIE: NOT THAT FAT, JUST HUSKY.
Okay, Chris Christie IS fat. But let’s show some respect here and say he’s “overweight” or “morbidly obese.” To his credit, he DID have the operation that was supposed to keep him from eating too much…Sometimes things just don’t work out, though. That doesn’t mean he’d make a bad President.

Grover Cleveland was pretty chubby.

And look at William Taft. He was fat, too — no, I mean morbidly obese. He was America’s fattest — uh, heaviest— Chief Executive, reportedly weighing in at 332 pounds. Yikes! Now THAT’S what you’d call morbidly obese.

Next to him, Chris Christie would look downright svelte(although we’ll never really know how much he actually does weigh…)

Come on, let’s stop judging this Christie book by its cover, even if it is a tome that will really hurt if you drop it on your foot.

Chris Christie for President 2024: Big Job, Big Man.

NIKKI HALEY: NOT UNATTRACTIVE, NOT THAT STUPID, EITHER.
While we’re trying to right some wrongs, let’s stop picking on poor Nikki Haley. Just leave her alone. Her speeches aren’t as long-winded or as boring as the ones that pinhead Kamala Harris gives. Nikki’s younger and cuter than Hillary, too. After Benghazi and those e-mails, wouldn’t it be refreshing to have a woman who’s running for President who’s so attractive and caring? Why, she cares so much about “fixing” Medicare and Social Security that she’ll never let America turn into that socialized medicine swamp the Democrats want.

She doesn’t carry on and on about her political agenda, either, because she keeps changing it. That shows how flexible she really is. That shows how ladylike she really is.

She only wants to make stuff better for us and our children…even if she never goes into any details about how to do it — or fund it.

Nikki Haley for President 2024: She’s the Taylor Swift of public service.

Then there’s (yawn) Joe Biden, the Democrat in The White House who is just tooooo old. This ancient grandpa doesn’t want to leave, so we’ve got to impeach him before the 2024 election.

That’s how it works, dear readers.

Now let’s all get busy and make America great again by reelecting Donald Trump and putting him back in The Oval Office where he belongs!

He’s old and fat and ditzy too, but by God, he’s a Republican!