When Little Royals Misbehave

When I was little, my mother told me if I ever stuck my tongue out at her, I could kiss my tongue good bye. She’d caught me sticking my tongue out at some kids down the street, after they’d started doing it to me, and had gone ballistic. Even though I had no plans to do such a thing to her, she laid down the law anyway. After her warning, my tongue remained conveniently tucked away in my mouth because I didn’t want to call her bluff.

Of course, I never believed she’d actually remove such a vital body part from me, but still…I didn’t want to take any chances. As nice as they seem, mothers also possess the uncanny ability to scare the mischief out of their offspring.

Apparently, Louis, son of Prince William and Duchess Kate, doesn’t scare that easily.

Apparently, there are also no real scary penalties or threats for being bratty when you’re a little royal.

No doubt the best part about being a little princeling is that Mummy won’t get a switch and drag you down to the woodshed for some old timey disciplinary action. When Louis acted up in the Royal Box last Sunday afternoon during his great-grandmother’s Platinum Jubilee Pageant parade on The Buckingham Palace Mall, he didn’t even get a slap or a swat. Or a time-out. Whoa. Talk about an enchanted childhood!

Like so many commoners on the other side of the pond, I was fascinated(yet repulsed) by the antics of this unapologetic and fearless little stinker. He didn’t like being there. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t even try to hide his feelings about it. And he had no hesitancy about letting his mother know exactly how he felt, either.

Such honesty was surprising, even refreshing — at first. It was funny and kind of cute — at first. He stopped being adorable, though, when he put his little hand over his mother’s mouth as she was trying to rein in his bad behavior. That wasn’t all he did. He also stuck out his tongue at her(gasp!) and made faces at her. Then he actually made one of those old hand gestures that The Three Stooges had made famous. He put his thumb on his nose and fluttered the rest of his fingers at his mother.

I’m sure there’s some kind of British term for his last put-down, like “pulling a gollywacker” or “timmybonker,” but I’m not hip enough to know what the Brits call it. I just know it’s a variation of “screw you,” i.e., another way to sass someone without actually flipping the bird.

Like it or not, Louie’s antics do sound like the misbehavior of a child who feels he’s not getting enough attention at home. More significantly, this child also feels anger at his mother for not giving him the closeness that he so desperately needs. He feels invalidated. He feels so hurt that he’s determined to bite the hand that’s supposed to be feeding him…and now, he’s not afraid to bite back in public, for all to see. No wonder disciplining such a rascal can be such a problematic undertaking.

You can’t go all Struwwelpeter on such a wounded cub, but you can’t let him get away with disrespecting his mother like that, either. (Besides, “The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb” wouldn’t frighten Louis, anyway).

All psychoanalysis aside, however, his misbehavior raises another question: Why is a rich white kid who publicly misbehaves considered adorable, while another non-affluent, non-white kid who exhibits the same misbehavior considered a frightfully naughty “problem child?”

That is, would we have had the same reaction to Louis’s misbehavior if he had been a commoner and not a royal?

I doubt it. Think back to the reactions from so many viewers who witnessed Louis in action. Almost immediately, there was sympathy for this uncooperative scamp. Excuses and understanding poured forth. Come on, he’s just a little kid. He’s tired. His schedule got disrupted when they dragged him to all those events. Did he even get his nap?

But would there have been that much understanding and forgiveness if he had been a non-white commoner?

You know, a little kid who was black or brown or red or yellow — a little kid who WASN’T a little white kid?

Let’s put it another way, dear readers. What if this little scamp had been the son of non-working royals Harry and Meghan? Do you really believe that The Fleet Street rags would have extended any kindness or forgiveness or understanding towards little Archie — the biracial child of non-working royals — if he had acted in the way this son of the future King of England had behaved? Get real. Yellow journalism tirades about little Archie’s misbehavior would be sprouting up like daffodils on a spring morning. So what’s my point?

If we’re so willing to give little Louis a free pass for misbehaving, let’s also extend that compassionate understanding to other children from different ethnic backgrounds and lesser income levels when they’re having a bad potty day like this little royal had.