Why Dogs — Especially POODLES! — Are Better than Cats

Dogs or Cats?

Cats vs. Dogs?

The debate about which pet is better rages on, with no resolution — or mutual understanding — in sight.

Either way, I’m definitely pro-pet. Feel free to love the animal of your choice. To each his own, from turtles to sugar gliders to cockatoos. When it comes between choosing felines or canines, though, I’m 100 per cent poodle every time.

Poodles: The noble breed that keeps getting bad PR because the strategic clipping and grooming their owners keep giving them to protect their joints. Look beyond the pom poms, people. It’s not like these dogs are forcing pet groomers to stylize them this way. Once you start looking beyond this contrived fluffiness, you can start appreciating how wonderful and loyal poodles really are. They are cute, they are hypoallergenic, and they are highly intelligent. Only Australian Shepherds are considered to be just as smart or smarter.

Over the years, unfortunately, poodles have repeatedly gotten dismissed as frou-frou pets because they’re considered to be a girly dog, not a real “man’s dog.” That is, they’re not hairy or stinky or doggy enough for guys to own. Well, if poodles are soooo undesirable, then why are so many people mingling poodle DNA with other dog breeds?

Surely, poodle detractors must have heard of Goldendoodles, Labradoodles, Sheepdoodles, St. Berdoodles, Bernedoodles, Cavapoos, Cockapoos, Shipoos, even Great Danenoodles…Yes, really. Who knew that a Great Dane and a Poodle could even fall in love? Maybe if a flying squirrel could get together with this breed, we’d even have a poodle who could fight crime…

Of course, I jest. This crossbreeding involves artificial insemination more than a Disneyized canine romance.

My point here is that, as the demand for smart dogs has risen, poodles have become the breed that’s been raising pet IQ’s.

But I digress, dear readers. Back to the dog vs. cat question. Like everyone I know, I’m opposed to attack dogs who try to rip out your vocal cords. Trust me, no one who gets attacked by an attack dog ever likes that vicious animal. On the other hand, even people who hate cats hold a certain respect and admiration for them when facing rodent infestation. As in, “I still can’t stand you cats, but thank you for your service.” Remember, nobody besieged by mice ever turns away a good mouser. Despite my pet preference, even I have met a couple of friendly cats — Pussywillow and T’ai Chi — who enjoyed keeping pests at bay.

And yet, I remain pro-dog and pro-poodle. Why? For the definitive answer to that question, the following news item from the Associated Press, dated March 8, 1996, explains it all:
Cat owner dies, becomes
dinner for his 15 pets

Associated Press

LEIDEN, NETHERLANDS—A
reclusive cat fancier was all but
consumed by his 15 pets after he
died, leaving them without food,
police said.
Frans Heemskerk’s body was
“almost totally eaten up” by his
cats, police spokesman Robert
Blom said.
Officers found Heemskerk’s
remains Saturday after his neigh-
bors alerted them that they hadn’t
seen the 69-year-old man for two
weeks.
“He was very reclusive and
sometimes wouldn’t be seen for
days on end. That was why it was-
n’t reported earlier,” Blom said
Wednesday.
Heemskerk is believed to have
died of natural causes as
much as three weeks before police discov-
ered his remains.
His cats could leave and enter
through a hole in a window, Blom
said, but they returned to feed off
their owner’s body.

Apparently, using your dead owner’s remains as a zesty new Meow Mix has been happening a lot with cats all over the world.

In this case, Frans Heemskerk’s cats had every opportunity to leave though that hole in the window and lead somebody back to the home where their owner had died — or was dying. They even could have created a commotion to attract neighbors or law enforcement…They didn’t. They just kept leaving and coming back to eat him, as though they were super miffed at poor Frans for not opening some cans of tuna for them before he passed away.

Who needs that kind of spite from your pet? Not me. No thanks.

Call me a dreamer. Call me a romantic. Call me completely unrealistic, but I would expect my dog in this situation to help out a little, maybe keep barking to get attention, and not use my lifeless body for snacks. Even on TV when little Timmy fell down the well, Lassie had enough sense to bark about it, then lead Grandpa and June Lockhart back to the well. Rin Tin Tin and even little Benji got into this similar help/rescue mode all the time without munching and crunching on dead bodies.

Maybe if I were drowning, a toy or miniature poodle wouldn’t be able to physically drag me back to safety. But you can bet my dog, or almost any other dog, would at least try to track down an EMT or paw-dial 911 on my cellphone.

Sorry, kitties, I just don’t like your menu choices or your attitude. You just don’t bite the hand that feeds you, you’re ready to chow down on every other body part. And when you scoot your butt across a clean kitchen countertop, that’s not cute, that’s unsanitary. You might think you’re adorable, but you’re just not as smart or as loyal as your Cat People believe you are.