An Ode to Noisy Neighbors

I like to relax in silence with a nice cup of coffee when I write my TGIF column each week. Unfortunately, my neighbors do not know the meaning of “silence,” or “class.”

The two words they should learn are “Be” and “Quiet.” Alas, these two terms are missing from their vocabulary and I am left to listen to their inane arguing day and night.

This news editor just wanted some peace while I brainstormed on what to write this week, but they have inspired me to write a special dedication instead.

I present you an ode I put together during one of their especially noisy arguments today. Enjoy.

An Ode to Noisy Neighbors

by Robert Michaelson

Dear angry fighting neighbors

Why can’t you get along?

Life would sound so much sweeter

If your screams could turn to song

You argue in the morning

Afternoon and night

Shouting and screaming

As you throw things and fight

The time it does not matter

Because the anger fills you so

You have to fight in your apartment

There is nowhere else to go

You say she cheats every day

A “Hoser” you will call her

Trying to control your entire life

And also owes you a dollar

Her screams, a chorus in reply

“Why are you angry” she will bleat

“I did not sleep with a man called “One Eye”

As she stomps her feet

Who is cheating? Who is wrong?

These answers are elusive

If only these angry pests

Were a little more reclusive

Phones are thrown, curses exchanged

Why can’t they come together?

Work through these issues and cease

Arguing forever?

I do not know the answers

But these apartment walls are light

So please move out, or go away

I want to sleep tonight