Finding Hope in the Battle Against Domestic Violence

A solemn crowd of about 30 marked the 25th year of the annual candlelight vigil drawing attention to the ongoing battle against domestic violence at Thursday's event at the Bridgewater Township municipal complex.

It was the first such vigil held outside of Somerville, meeting in Bridgewater to highlight the township's leadership in the county's battle against domestic violence, and during the service, the long road to a better future for the victims of abuse was highlighted by a roll call of the names of Somerset County residents who died at the hands of abusers since 1976.

"We stand here tonight around all these silhouettes (one for each victim) and we want very much to talk about hope," Christine Rose, president of the Bridgewater Township Council and a member of the Domestic Violence Response Team. "What I heard as we were reading those names is that we got smaller and smaller and smaller numbers of victims of domestic violence."

She noted no names have been added to the toll this year, but it was also clear the challenges of domestic violence continue regardless.

Attendees heard from a variety of speakers, but were perhaps most moved by "Wendy," a survivor who recounted her journey from a violent relationship to independence. She detailed the myriad of steps needed—establishing her own post office box, keeping her paychecks separate from household accounts, to name a few—before being able to extricate herself.

And after it was over, she was left with an independent spirit—and anger.

"How does one stop being so angry? Forgiveness," she said. "Forgive yourself first and then you begin to heal."

Other speakers included Bridgewater Mayor Daniel Hayes, Resource Center Executive Director Christine Schaumburg, Sheila Breeding, senior manager at Allstate New Jersey Insurance, and Sally Nadler, manager of workforce development at PSE&G.

But the candlelight procession, with Resource Center Board of Trustees members Laura Fino and Mary Jo Altom reading the names belonging to the 30 silhouetted women, men and children proved the night's most poignant moment, with the crowd in silent reflection.

Performance Artist Moggie Davis read "I Got Flowers Today," by Pauette Davis, a poem about a victim of abuse who stays with her abuser after each escalating incident—because she gets flowers afterwards—until the day she is killed by him.

The Resource Center, which serves victims of domestic violence, hosts the event.