Saying goodbye can be devastating, especially for a child

On this 33rd anniversary of my father's death, I still miss him, and I can't help thinking about what it would have been like to lose him when I was a child. I was 37 years old when he died, and it was difficult enough as an adult who had by that point, experienced the death of several people whom I loved, a cousin who was like a sister to me when I was 25, and three of my grandparents when I was 7 and 8 years old.

As an adult, one can keep very busy with work and all kinds of activities, and of course seek counseling, to deal with the pain. But a child doesn't often know how to navigate the loss.

I was closest to my maternal grandmother and when she died, I remember lying awake for months trying to wrap my head around one recurring question -- but where did she go?

I was raised Catholic, and was taught that after death we could end up in heaven or hell, or possibly even purgatory. Honestly, I was one of those kids who always questioned the teachings of the church, as my mother would remind me by saying, "Ye of little faith."

What tormented me was a strange reality, the fact that I would never be able to wrap my arms around my grandmother again, brush her long hair, hang out in her dining room while she stirred the sauce for Sunday dinner, be lulled by the sweet sound of her voice singing me to sleep.

It was 1963 and my parents didn't even consider grief counseling. Within a few months after her death, I ended up in the hospital with horrific stomach pains for which there was no explanation. I overheard my mother talking to the doctor. She said, "Maybe this is related to my mother's death. She's been very sad and keeps asking, "But where did she go?"

Many decades later, while writing for the Courier News, I wrote about IMAGINE, a grief counseling center that specializes in helping children who have lost a parent or sibling. IMAGINE is based in Mountainside, NJ with an additional center in Newark. The more I learned about the organization, the more I was impressed with what they are offering to children suffering from loss.

This is why I have embarked on organizing a fundraiser to benefit IMAGINE. The evening will consist of line dance lessons, open line dancing and a silent auction and all proceeds will benefit the center. I took up line dancing about five months ago and envisioned an evening of people dancing in unison to celebrate the love and healing that IMAGINE offers.

There are no easy answers for someone struggling with loss. There is no surefire formula to recover from grief, but it's nice to know that organizations like IMAGINE offer love and support to children today suffering from the death of a loved one, a loss that is complicated by a world filled with enormous stress and uncertainty.

I hope you'll join me to Dance for Love & Healing to support IMAGINE!