My Emergency Contact

Each season brings a new set of forms for school, sports, and scouts. And on each piece of paper, along with name, age and allergies, I provide my kids’ emergency contacts.

As I write those familiar names and phone numbers that I have memorized, I realize how the years have brought me choices. When I first moved to New Jersey, I listed names of people in New York and far away in this state. When I knew my neighbors better, they joined the roster. Now friends, and neighbors who have become friends, are on that list.

Still, when I step back, I realize what it means to choose a friend as an emergency contact or to serve as the emergency contact for someone else. It means that I am saying to the soccer coach or school nurse that I trust the judgment of another person; she can stand in my stead when my kid needs help.   That’s big, really big.

For most of us, and most of the time, choosing an emergency contact is a formality. But sometimes, we need those folks. When my eldest was in kindergarten, she rode the bus home with a friend. The friend’s babysitter forgot to take my kid from the bus, so she rode back to school.

The school called me in that pre-cell phone era, but I wasn’t home. As my child become more and more agitated, they tried other numbers. At last, my neighbor Karen answered, dropped what she was doing, and took her two little ones with her to pick up my daughter. The message she left on my phone was this. “I’ve got your daughter, and, don’t worry. I’ve also got your back.”

As a scout leader, I collect forms from parents and check to see that the spaces are filled. In this way, I’m privy to the web of emergency contacts that supports our kids’ activities. I see who relies on one another, and it’s very moving to see how we are connected in these tight-knit communities.  Our children are on the go all day long, and for most of the year. The carpool schedule keeps them all on the move, but the emergency contact connections are the safety net that keeps them, or keeps their parents, secure.

As school forms await, and the soccer sign-up begins, I’m gratified to know that I’m the emergency contact for a few kids around town. I’ll pick up the friends’ kids if necessary, or rush over to school with a missing lunch or five dollars for the field trip. Even if my friends never need me to make big decisions for them, or get their ill or hurt kids home, as their emergency contact, I’ve got their backs.

A version of this column ran in May 2011.