Remembering Nick Carone

When Nicola "Nick" Carone was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer in November, 2010, he and his family were stunned.

At 51, Nick began working at the in 1999, eventually earning a promotion to Assistant Foreman. He even used his talents as a landscaper to help beautify the town on his new job. He was a fixture in the community he loved, but one small mishap triggered a devastating discovery.

“It all started with a broken finger. He got hurt at work in the summertime,” said Cathy Carone, Nick’s wife.

Nick went for surgery to have a pin put in his finger. Then he started feeling sick.

“He hurt himself when he came back to work. He said he pulled a muscle in his chest and he had hardly done anything. He picked up the shovel and hurt himself somehow. Then he had to go for an X-ray,” said Debbie Johnston, a close family friend.

Although Nick’s pulled muscle healed, his chest pains didn't go away, according to Jimmy Johnston, Director of New Providence Department of Public Works. Johnston, who is Debbie's husband and was one of Carone's closest friends, said everyone was getting concerned.

“The pain was moving across his chest and then [the doctors] started looking further. I don’t know why they didn’t find [the cancer] sooner,” Jimmy said.

Cathy said they went for a second opinion, but the diagnosis was the same. Nick wasn’t able to undergo surgery because the doctors could not pinpoint one area for the radiation to kill it. But he did undergo chemotherapy.

“The first round of chemo seemed to help a little bit," Cathy said. "It shrunk some of the tumors, and then the second round of chemo didn’t work at all. But Nick didn’t want to believe he was dying. He always thought the chemo was helping him. In his mind, he just wasn’t dying; he was getting better the whole time. But he wasn’t getting any better. He went downhill really, really fast.”

Nick died at his home with his family by his side. Eight months later, his love grows on in the memories of Cathy; his children, Rosa, 27; Victoria, 25, and 21-year-old Michael; his seven-year-old granddaughter, Mariah; and his parents, Michele and Guiseppina. Nick’s brother, Carmen, died at the age of 40.

As those who remember him do their daily chores around town, they are reminded of him at every turn, seeing projects he worked on and places he made look beautiful. But they don't see him and, eight months later, are still having a difficult time imagining life without Nick around them.

“Nick’s bark was worse than his bite. He had a really rough exterior, but a good heart,” Cathy said. “He had his own landscaping business before he worked with public works and I think that’s what he got really well known for – all of his landscaping abilities. The townspeople got to know him really well.”

Nick took pride in such projects as Veterans Memorial Park, which has memorials for each US Military branch of service and the . Nick designed and helped build these landscape projects around town, including the , the , and many more.

Community Members Rally Behind Carone Family

About a month before Nick died, community members came together to raise money for the Carone family.

The family was faced with financial hardship after Nick had to stop working and Cathy had to also stop working to care for Nick.

“When you do have cancer, even (with) medical insurance, there’s a lot of things that aren’t covered,” said Debbie, who cited expenses such as co-pays at doctor visits, chemotherapy treatments and blood transfusions. “It can get very costly when you’re sick like that."

Debbie and Jimmy wanted to help out their close friends who they consider to be family.  So, the Johnstons decided that they hoped would raise funds to alleviate the Carone’s financial burdens. Little did they know that the traditional benefit would soon multiply into two fund-raising dinners and that the undertaking would become a community-wide event.

“What we thought would be just our friends and family—the whole town seemed to come together on it. It was unbelievable,” Johnston said of the effort.

It seemed that as word spread about the idea for both fundraisers, so did the local support and eagerness to help.  

The contacted the organizers and offered to donate all the desserts. and both donated beer and wine at no cost. supplied a whole spiral ham, catered the entrees at cost, making no additional profit, and , the former workplace of Carone’s wife, Cathy, supplied the soft drinks.

Cathy, who was apprehensive about holding a spaghetti dinner for Nick, eventually agreed to plan it and kept it a secret from Nick.

“I knew if Nick really knew that people were trying to hold a fundraiser for him, he wouldn’t want it,” Cathy said. “He has pride, he doesn’t need anyone else’s help. He doesn’t need, he doesn’t want it.”

To avoid surprising Nick, which may have upset him, Jimmy told Nick about the plan just before the dinner.

“Jimmy came to the house and said look, ‘this is what’s going on and it’s for you. This is for you,’” Cathy said. “At that point, he was really, really weak and he wasn’t totally with it mentally all the time, but he got it. He knew that when he was there, he was really happy to see people. He really was.”

Cathy said both dinners really helped keep her family going through their difficult time.

In the months following Nick’s death, community members continued to step up and help Cathy and her family.

“There’s somebody who Jimmy and Nick knew quite well, through work, who was a complete stranger to me. He’s a builder and he offered to help with things that needed to be done around the house for free. And he was a complete stranger to me,” Cathy explained. “He donated money in the beginning. He was one of the first people who handed Jimmy money and said, ‘give this to Nick and his family.’ Throughout the hurricane, he texted me, came to see me to make sure I was OK, that the house was OK, and again, this is a total stranger. He’s just a concerned person and he cares, which is really nice.”

Cathy said others have come to her aid as well, including one landscaper in town who has kept up Nick’s always perfect landscaping at the Carone house. Cathy said she had another family friend who took care of all the bushes and shrubs around the property for free. 

“I think part of it was that everybody knew Nick was a perfectionist,” Cathy said.

“If you ever saw the outside of his house, the way it’s landscaped, everything had to be perfect,” Debbie explained.

The Early Years

Nick was born in Italy, lived in Chatham and moved to New Providence 40 years ago when he was in third grade. Cathy and Nick met when they were just about 18 years old.

“It’s always the biggest joke because when we first met, we were all young, but I had to get permission to date Nick,” Cathy said. “[Debbie, Jimmy and Nick] pulled up [to my house in Berkeley Heights] and I was outside with my father and Nick asked to go out to the movies and I said, ‘I don’t know, let me find out,’ and they all laughed and sneered.

“We were already married,” said Debbie. “We married young so we were like, ‘oh she’s got to ask permission, I can’t believe it. She’s 18 and she has to ask for permission!”

Cathy said they were all friends ever since. She later married Nick in October of 1980.

“We built an apartment in my parents’ house [after we were married],” Cathy said. “We lived downstairs in my parents’ apartment and then the house across the street [from his parents] became available and his parents gave us the money for the down payment so we stayed there. We had our children young so that was nice. He had his landscaping business, I stayed home and took care of the kids and took care of his business until landscaping just became too much with paying your own health insurance and stuff so that’s why he joined the town.”

Nick’s Life

The Carones and the Johnstons grew up together, had their children around the same time, and consider themselves to all be family.

“I personally think nothing will be the same anymore. We were a foursome and a sixsome, but it won’t be the same,” Debbie said. “We will always feel his presence missing because that’s what he brought to it, maybe because we all grew up together. We grew from 17 to 51, all the stages that you change. We had our babies together, we went through his brother’s death with him, we’ve been through other people’s sicknesses all together. They’re both like family so I don’t think anything will be the same. I know I’ll really miss him.”

Debbie said she and Nick used to bicker back and forth, while Cathy and Jimmy would bicker back and forth.

“So I don’t have that other person,” Debbie continued. “When we would go out to eat, he’d pull out the drink menu and he’d be like, ‘Okay Debbie, we’re going to have one of each!’ We’d be trying all the different drinks. Cathy doesn’t drink that much and this one [Jimmy] over here, he’s not going to try anything. So it was only us two trying everything.”

Cathy said Nick really loved his family traditions.

“His family still makes their own wine, cans their own tomatoes and cures their own meats or sausages. That’s always been a family tradition,” Cathy said. “His mom is always making homemade doughs and homemade pies. Homemade pizzas too, which Nick loved.”

Cathy said they did make the sauce this year, which was very difficult to do. “We’ll continue all of the traditions,” she said.

As for the wine, Cathy said it was really Nick’s father who was in charge of that and the women weren’t allowed to participate.

“The woman weren’t allowed to touch the wine. It was the man thing. And they’d come home and you’d know they had a tasting of the wine,” Debbie said. “They taught Jimmy, then our son got involved with them, and now my son, [who is 32] is making wine at his house and he’s canning tomatoes. I miss it now that I’ve heard him talk about it. But there were nice traditions that went on. Just from them to us, and I’m sure their children are going to keep it up too.”

Jimmy said Nick really just loved food in general as well.

“He just liked to pick on meat. He just loved food. He really enjoyed not so much the eating but the quality of food,” Jimmy continued. “He loves steaks not just because he was hungry but because he genuinely enjoyed his meal. That’s the Italian way.”

Out of everyone in the family, Cathy said Nick was the real cook.

“He was a very good cook. He can throw anything together. He was like one of those chefs on TV where you get a bag of ingredients and he’d just make something. He was very creative. It usually did taste good.”

The Johnstons said they’d have to call ahead and check on what Nick was conjuring up in the kitchen because they never knew what he’d be serving them.

“I’m a fussy eater so a lot of times if I wasn’t there when he was cooking it, I didn’t eat it. I had to see what was going in,” said Jimmy, as they all laughed.

Jimmy said Nick even had his own bunker of food in the basement, while Debbie said they used to go to the turkey farm and pick out which ones to have.

Cathy said Nick liked to have his basement completely stocked and would get very upset if it wasn’t stocked.

“He was one of those coupon people where you buy tons and tons of the same thing. But when my basement was stocked, it was stocked, and we did it twice a year. So it was like a mini grocery store. You’d go down, pick something off the shelf. The freezer was always packed. If it wasn’t packed, then there was something wrong with the world,” Cathy said.

Jimmy said it didn’t matter what time you went over the Carone house because Nick was always cooking something and the guests were always eating something.

“All of his friends will miss him. He was the life of the party,” Jimmy said. “He was at my kids’ Sweet Sixteens, all of their parties. All of their friends, all of their college friends, would come over and try to out drink him. They did do it once, but they tricked them. They were [putting water in shot glasses and he couldn’t believe that they drank him under the table. We didn’t find out until years later. I’ve only seen him drunk twice.

As one may expect, Nick was very tough on all the boys that came to the house to date his daughters.

“Oh my god, how he drilled them,” Cathy said. “The quote from the boys, who are still real close, who still come to the house because they’re good friends, is, ‘Mr. Carone says ‘I’m not a man until…’’ they had to prove themselves to be men.”

When asked if the boys ever did “prove” themselves to be men, Cathy, Debbie and Jimmy all said “no” while laughing.

Nick Carone Day

At the Borough Council meeting on Sept. 26, 2011, Mayor J. Brooke Hern presented Cathy and her family with a Proclamation of Appreciation for Nick’s years of service to the borough, highlighting his hard work that beautified New Providence.

The Proclamation read as follows:

“WHEREAS, Nick Carone began his career with the Department of Public Works for the Borough of New Providence on April 19, 1999; and

WHEREAS, Nick’s leadership was recognized when he was promoted to assistant foreman on May 11, 2004 in the Department of Public Works; and

WHEREAS, Nick left an indelible mark on the Borough of New Providence through his hard work in beautifying our public spaces; and

WHEREAS, Nick’s vision for our public spaces was quickly transformed through his expertise in construction and landscape architecture, creating places of peace and reflection, and;

WHEREAS, on May 21, 2011, Nick lost a courageous battle with cancer, robbing his family and our community of his companionship and friendship.”

Hern declared Sept. 26 as “Nick Carone Appreciation Day” as a means of honoring his memory and thanking his family for his years of dedicated service to the borough.

While the Carone family hasn’t really discussed how they will honor that day, Cathy said they will definitely be doing something to remember Nick.

“I remember after the funeral, we went to the Paca Club. After most people left, because his close friends and family would stay around until the end for the after parties, everyone stayed around the bar and just kept going in circles, saying a memory and taking a shot. And the memories [that the Johnstons’ kids said] were like, “Uncle Nick showed us how to drink shots, how to have a good time,’” Cathy said as they all laughed.

The Holidays, 2011

Christmas was especially tough on the Carone family this year without Nick.

But Cathy said her family has been pushing Cathy to do things that Nick would be doing if he were still alive, such as putting up Christmas lights with his granddaughter.

“Putting up Christmas lights on the outside of our house was what Mariah loved most about the holidays. She would be outside with her grandpa, helping right along and telling him where she wanted more lights. They usually started the process around Thanksgiving every year,” Cathy said. “This past Thanksgiving I certainly didn't want anything to do with the holiday's, or decorations. However, Mariah insisted the Christmas lights be put up. So on a nice day, while I was at work, Mariah and my children put the lights up, with Mariah giving the directions, of course, explaining how grandpa did it.”

Cathy said they got through the holidays by doing things for Mariah, knowing that Nick wouldn’t want her or anyone else being deprived of the holiday spirit.

“I think the anticipation of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was actually harder mentally than the day of. The day of, we all tried to put a smile on our faces and do the best we could,” Cathy explained. “Christmas morning, I started to cry and left the room. Mariah followed me and held me and told me not to be sad. Even young Mariah was and still is my support.”

Today

“It's been eight months since Nick left us. There isn't a day that we don't think about him, talk about him, dream about him,” Cathy said. “However, each day is a bit easier to deal with the reality.”

Cathy said as Nick watches over her and her family, she knows he is very proud of his children.
“[My children have] been my support, watching my moods, trying very hard to get me out of the house, to do things that Nick would have normally done. They've taken on a lot of responsibility.”

Cathy said their two daughters, Rosa and Victoria, and their granddaughter, Mariah, still live at home, while their son, Michael, did move out of the house.

“A house full of girls was more than he could handle,” Cathy said. “It was something he needed to do. He's happy being on his own. I'm happy for him.”

Cathy recently left her job as a Sales Associate at Prudential New Jersey Properties in New Providence.

“I had to take another full-time job to have a weekly paycheck along with insurance because Nick had great insurance when he was alive with the borough, but I couldn’t afford the COBRA. The cobra was ridiculously high, more than $800 just for me,” she said.

Cathy is now working at Lord & Taylor in Westfield as a Sales Associate, working very odd hours for the weekly paychecks, the benefits and the stability. Still, Cathy said she would love another job where she can work regular hours.

Even today, Cathy said her close friends, family members and even borough employees are still there for her.
“I have the borough employees stop and talk to me when we see each other in town, and they always have a wave and a smile as they pass in the town trucks,” she explained. “Just seeing the smiles and looks of encouragement some days is all I need to get through the rest of the day.”

Cathy said it’s the same with the merchants and residents in town, too.
“I wear my heart on my sleeve. So, when I'm having a bad day, it certainly shows on my face. I get smiles and encouraging words from anyone who sees me and when I'm having a good day, the smiles are bigger from everyone. That's a great feeling… people actually looking you in the eye, seeing your face, acknowledging the circumstances and wanting to help and support in any way possible.”

Cathy said she didn’t realize how important Nick was to the town until after he was gone.

“And sadly, he didn't know it either," she said. "I remember when he was first diagnosed, and certain people rallied, showing support financially and emotionally, Nick was surprised. He'd say things like, ‘Wow!  I didn't know they cared that much about me.’”
While Cathy said her and her family continue to struggle emotionally and financially, she hopes to stay in New Providence
“I will be staying in New Providence for as long as possible. I don't know what the future will hold. Having a house, with the household expenses and taxes, and maintenance, is difficult.”

But Cathy said she is so thankful for all the support shown to her by the community.

“I'm just so thankful to be living in New Providence, with all the support I’ve been given,” she said. “The contractor I spoke of checks in with me to make sure everything is OK in the house. I know whatever I need, no matter what time of day or night, I simply have to pick up the phone.”