On the Heels of New York Gay Marriage, New Jersey's Ban Comes into Focus

Days before Phyllis Siegel and Connie Kopelov stood before a Manhattan clerk and became New York City’s first same-sex married couple, Red Bank Councilman Ed Zipprich and his longtime partner JP Nicolaides said their vows in a short ceremony at Riverside Gardens. Zipprich’s daughter acted as the couple’s “best person,” he said, and afterwards the proud pair shared an intimate luncheon with a group of family and friends at a nearby Italian restaurant.

Don’t be mistaken by the description of something that seems all too common and familiar, because Zipprich isn’t married. That possibility was lost when New Jersey’s legislature struck down a marriage equality bill with surprising bipartisan support in 2009. Zipprich may have found the love of his life – he’s spent the last 15 years making sure of that – but the best he’ll get, at least in terms of recognition from the state, is a civil union, a designation touted by some officials as a fair compromise, but one, still, that fails to carry the same state and federal rights that accompany marriage.

It’s been two years since the bill failed. With Gov. Chris Christie in office it’s unlikely that the issue will even find its way to the State Senate again. The republican governor has promised to veto any gay marriage bill that should fall on his desk during his term. Zipprich said Christie’s declaration on gay marriage is discrimination, but the governor’s obstinacy isn’t what strikes him most.

What hurts, he said, is that those who he thought represented the rights of gay New Jersey residents caved to political pressure, choosing to uphold a traditional definition of marriage that excludes and discriminates because of the up swell of conservative values that followed Christie.

“It was truly disheartening to have some of my own party members distance themselves from it,” Zipprich said following a borough council meeting Wednesday night. “If the legislature had approved it, (former Gov. Jon Corzine) would have been willing to sign it into law.”

Despite a 7-6 vote from the Senate Judiciary Committee, the measure failed to gain enough support from the State Senate, falling 20-14. One of those who voted against the marriage bill – on two separate occasions – was State Sen. Jennifer Beck (R-12), whose district includes Red Bank. Recently, however, Beck has softened her stance on gay marriage, saying she would support it if it came before a senate vote once more.

Zipprich said he believes she changed her mind following a remapping of district 12, which now includes Ocean Grove and Asbury Park, two towns with significant, and vocal, gay populations.

Messages left with Beck’s staff seeking comment from the senator were not returned Thursday.

“Her opening a closed door isn’t going to work. You’re not going to get that horse back in the barn,” he said. “I stood and watched the senate hearing where she put the final nail the coffin when so many thought she supported our rights.”

Still, though New Jersey has put off the issue of gay marriage equality indefinitely, Zipprich said he’s encouraged by New York’s recent approval. It can only help, he said, to have the state with the most populated and progressive city in the country support the measure. For those like Zipprich, the measure is a welcome one, but it also raises another question: what took so long?

Chris Paseka owns Sugarush with his husband Jesse Bello-Paseka. The couple, originally from New York, entered into a civil union in New Jersey. They consider themselves married, but the reality, as dictated by the state, says otherwise. Paseka rejects labels that he says misrepresent him. He’s not a gay businessman, he said, he’s a businessman who happens to be gay.

In a world where are all men are equal, sexual orientation doesn’t and shouldn’t matter. But, this is a world where two gay men cannot legally be married in New Jersey. Yes, New York’s new law is a step in the right direction, but it only serves to highlight how discrimination remains and in such quantity.

“I think it’s great, generally, but it’s personally frustrating,” he said. “We’re celebrating small victories when they are just nibbles of a much larger issue. The issue remains a federal issue. This is an issue of 14^th amendment rights.”

The 14^th amendment was added to the constitution to provide black citizens with greater rights following the Civil War. It also provides an outline for civil rights available to all of the country’s citizens. Currently, six states, along with the District of Columbia, allow same-sex marriages. The federal government, however, does not, defining marriage as that between a man and woman.

Zipprich said some public officials have caved to the pressure of groups like the National Organization for Marriage. Misconceptions about homosexuality also hurt the cause. One in particular is that people like Zipprich and Paseka have made the choice to be gay.

“Do you really think people choose a harder life? Being gay, that is living a harder life,” Paseka said.

Zipprich said the issue is one of civil rights. When it comes to civil rights, it’s the responsibility of the government to protect its citizens. The issue of civil rights is not something that should be put on a ballot because those measures will invariably fail when put up for vote as the majority group is able to dictate the rights, often, of a minority group.

With New York passing its same-sex marriage law, Zipprich believes there’s added pressure on New Jersey’s legislators. When and if the measure comes before state lawmakers again, Zipprich hopes civil rights are able to overcome when he believes was a prior case of political theater.

“I think (the vote) was purely political,” he said. “It had nothing to do with protecting the rights of a group of second-class citizens.”

There is a silver lining, however. In his life, Paseka says gay rights have exploded more in the past three years than any before.

“It’s not something you can keep sweeping under the rug,” he said. “I think people are just so tired of (the discrimination). It’s enough. It’s enough.”