Ex-Bergen Mom Pens Valentine's Letter To Murdered Daughter

BERGEN COUNTY, NJ — On Valentine's Day last year, Lori Alhadeff took her daughter Alyssa to school. She put new diamond earrings on her and gave her a chocolate bar.

As Alyssa opened the car door to walk to school, Alhadeff said, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Alyssa said back.

That was the last time Alhadeff saw her daughter alive.

Alyssa, a former Woodcliff Lake girl, was one of 17 people murdered in the Florida shooting at Majory Stoneman Douglas High School one year ago on Thursday, on Feb. 14 2018. (See related: 17 Florida School Shooting Victims Identified)

Alhadeff recently wrote a love letter to Alyssa for Valentine's Day, the 1-year anniversary date of the shootings. She partnered with Dear World Strong, a nonprofit organization that unites terrorism survivors. It was first published by Dear World Strong, a nonprofit.

Dear Alyssa,
It’s Valentine’s Day. A day full of love, chocolates and flowers.
For me, it is more than that now. Last Valentine’s Day was the last time I saw you. You wore a black and white dress. Your long dark hair dangled. Your makeup looked just right. Of course, your white Converse sneakers protected your feet as you walked in to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.
Valentine’s Day is now about memories. Today, like all days, I remember.
I remember you weren’t looking forward to going to school that day. Like many 14 year old girls, you wanted a Valentine and were disappointed that you didn’t have one. High school love is magic. I was 14 once and those butterflies had whirled inside of me too.
I wanted that for you.
I remember the golden gift bag I gave you that morning. It held a pair of diamond earrings to make you feel pretty, a chocolate bar to make you smile, and hair ties so you wouldn’t ask for mine.
I touched your ears, putting the stems of the earrings through your lobes. You said you were ready to go to school after that.
You opened the car door.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you, too," you said.
Valentine’s Day. The last time I saw you alive.
****
A year has been a long time without you. So much has happened I want to tell you about.
I watch your brothers miss you terribly. They want you to know they miss fighting with you. They say thank you for convincing dad to get unlimited WiFi.
Dad fights for you every day. He’s your voice.
Grammy has honored you and became a school safety activist.
We got a dog. Her name is Roxy and she’s a soccer player, like you. She kicks the ball around the yard, but sometimes puts it in her mouth.
And your soccer team...wow, what a group. They wear your number eight on their sleeves and have started using it sideways to honor you. Infinity.
Oh, and I found out about the time you jumped off a bridge down by the beach?!
Alyssa, you jumped off a bridge?!
****
There are things I do in your memory that I never thought I could or would ever do.
See, a mother’s protective instincts don’t leave when we lose the ones we love. I talk to other moms who have lost children. We talk about you. We talk about their kids. But when we look into each other’s eyes, we see it.
A fire.
I ran for the school board. I won! I screamed on national television — words of rage directed at the President! I started a non-profit called Make Our Schools Safe and there is a law named after you in New Jersey: Alyssa’s Law.
****
Mothers know.
Intuition prevails.
Mine came as soon as someone told me there’d been a shooting at school.
I knew you were gone.
Rabbi Gutnick said, "Have faith, Lori." I said, "No, you must start planning now."
You were with me.
I knew it.
We lost 14 students and three teachers. Seventeen beautiful people we, as a community, needed to bury. You were the first.
The next day, Rabbi Gutnick presided and hundreds of people came from all over the country.
If you remember from Bat Mitzvah classes, shivas last seven days when a loved one dies. In those seven days, I got so many hugs from people who loved you. From family.
From people I’d never met. So many that I injured my neck. People, in a sense, loved me until it hurt.
****
It’s Valentine’s Day.
As I remember you, grief washes over me. But that grief emboldens me to fight for change.
I wish I could take all the bullets for you.
It’s been a year since I saw you.
You, in that black and white dress, those Converse on your feet, and that smile. I’ll never forget that smile.
It feels like yesterday.
I just want you back.
Love forever,
Mom

In the year since Alyssa's death, Alhadeff founded a nonprofit, Make Our Schools Safe. The organization works to improve the safety of schools and implement new safety standards by collaborating with security advisers to train teachers and students on how to stay safe during emergencies. (See related: Florida Shooting Victim, 14, Lived In NJ, 'Loved, Well-Respected')

Gov. Phil Murphy signed Alyssa's Law into effect Jan. 31. The law requires silent panic alarms be installed in all New Jersey public schools. The alarms will alert law enforcement during emergencies, including active shooter situations like the one that killed Alyssa. (See related: Murphy Signs 'Alyssa's Law,' Named After Murdered Ex-Bergen Girl)

Alhadeff called out President Donald Trump just after the shooting demanding "action" on guns.

"A gunman, a crazy person, just walks right into the school, knocks down the window of my child's door and starts shooting her! And killing her!" she said as she held a microphone. "President Trump, please do something! Do something! Action! We need it now! These kids need safety now."

Editor's note: Lori Alhadeff's letter was provided by Dear World to the media to use.

Email: daniel.hubbard@patch.com

Photos:

Lori Alhadeff, mother of Alyssa Alhadeff, who was shot and killed in the Valentine's Day 2018 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida. The family previously lived in Woodcliff Lake. (Courtesy of Dear World/One World Strong)

Alyssa Alhadeff (Courtesy of Parkland Travel Soccer)