Moms run out of steam as pandemic holiday pressures persist

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By Jackie Berg

Hinge moments occur regularly. You know the ones — where the door of opportunity is either swung wide open or slammed shut. This holiday season, expect them at the dinner table, the doorway or during any activity that takes what seems to be an extraordinarily long time to complete.

Try the coffee line.

It’s during these times we have a choice to make, according to Gordon College Present and Hinge Moments book author Michael Lindsay, who says our pathways are determined by the mere act of choosing to go (or say) things one way or another.

Mothers, our customary peacekeepers, are running out of steam as pandemic pressures persist. They are entering the holiday season exhausted amidst elevated expectations over this year’s “less-COVID” Christmas, Kwanza or Hanukkah celebrations.

Increased pressure to make-up for lost time and traditions is putting elevated stress on moms, who really want nothing more than sleep and an opportunity to decompress, according to mental health experts.

DETERMINED TO DE-ESCALATE

During times of elevated stress, things can escalate quickly and have a lasting impact on relationships.

Moms matter during such difficult times.

Daily tasks and decision-making have definitely become more difficult as a result of the pandemic, particularly for younger adults and parents, according to the Stress in America report by the American Psychological Association (APA).

When things change constantly, no decision is routine. This is proving to be exhausting for our nation’s moms. Will this year’s holiday season bring any relief to America’s peacekeepers?

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Holiday stress was lower last year due to diminished social expectations and a greater acceptance of human limitations and struggles, according to Scientific American contributor David H. Rosmarin, who says it was an easier time for everyone to exercise tolerance.

This year? Well, that may be different story. Mental-health professionals say the outcome is dependent on our mindset and building boundaries.

MAKE A MODEST EFFORT

Moms need to be prepared.

As a result of the pandemic, people have changed. Some are more patient, tolerant and grateful than ever, while others have become more easily agitated. Some are downright hostile. How do you arrange a seating plan around that?

Being realistic about holiday plans is key. It’s better to have lower expectations about holiday events and exceed them, according to mental-health professionals, who say that expecting to host an over-the-top event during an extended pandemic puts further strain on the fragile state of our mental health.

SIDESTEP STRESS

Avoidance is good line of defense and a great pathway.

If you know a family member or friend is antagonistic, it may be better to invite them to a smaller celebratory event outside of your home than a large gathering in it, according to mental-health experts (and my mom).

Planning ahead is particularly important. Sidestep stress whenever and however you can.

If the local grocery store serves as a platform for disputes between the vaccinated and unvaccinated, shop earlier or find an alternate location.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS

Every family has a “holiday host.” If it’s you, it’s important that you understand that you don’t have to retain that title and the roles and responsibilities that come along with it.

If you don’t feel up to hosting a big family event — don’t. Since many long-standing traditions were interrupted last year, it’s the perfect time to establish new and less labor-intensive plans that you can enjoy too.

KEEP YOUR CALM ON

It’s a given that things are going to go wrong. Make sure you set aside a few minutes for yourself daily to decompress from holiday stress.

Being mindful matters. Remembering how bad last year’s holiday season was provides reason enough to celebrate even the smallest improvements.

The path that makes you happiest is the right one.

HAVE YOUR ONE-LINERS DOWN PAT

Mental-health experts recommend holiday hosts think ahead about the type of holiday challenges they may encounter and have a few one-liners ready to brush them off. Whether you utter them to yourself or share them with others, the acknowledgement of uncomfortable moments goes a long way in overcoming them.

Humor takes us further down the road to happiness, according to studies that reveal when we laugh, our brain activity changes in ways that lower our stress response

The pandemic has helped many women shape what is and isn’t important in their lives. Their return to normal isn’t predicated as much by what the past looked like, but what they want the future to bring.

Overbooked calendars and commitments that leave us spread too thin may no longer be in.

If the less traveled path is right for you, take it.

Editor’s Note: Jackie Berg is the publisher of the Health Hub, co-founder and CMO of CBD Marketing Hub and a frequent contributor.

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