An Army of One

During one of our evening chats, my red-headed daughter shared her unique perspective about bullying and what it’s like to be a kid in elementary school.

She said, “Everybody is trying to get friends, and I thought it was because they liked people, but it’s not always. Some kids are just trying to get people on their side. They’re just trying to make their side bigger. It’s like a war.”

My heart sunk. I reminded her of the importance of staying true to herself and not letting any negativity change who she is as a person.

“Being positive and kind is powerful and contagious. Lead by example,” I urged.

She cheerfully replied, “I know, mom. An army of one, that’s me.”

Even though she was lighthearted about it, I want my children to feel like they’re among a strong and plentiful group of positive people, not alone against … well … anything.

So, we went on to . Once she began listing them, I could see that she remembered that there are many who stand beside her, and that her world is big.

I  about how the definition of “popular” seems to have changed over the years. It appears to have become more about power and social status than about being well-liked by many. 

My 12-year-old son agrees. He said, “Being popular now is more about being well-known than well-liked.”

When popularity is no longer earned by having good character, our children will get the impression that nice guys do, indeed, finish last. It’s difficult to have hope with that in your head.

Recently, I read a story about two 14-year-old girls from Minnesota who hung themselves in what appears to be a suicide pact. Reportedly, they were teased about their looks and excluded by peers. 

In the attached video from ABC News, Marshall School Superintendent Klint Willert suggests there is no reason to believe this had anything to do with bullying.

I have trouble with that.

I often speak to parents who complain that some administrators don’t want to admit there is bullying in their schools. With the Center for Disease Control and Prevention recognizing bullying as a “major public health problem,” I find it naïve and perhaps a bit arrogant to think it doesn’t need to be seriously addressed in every single school. 

Administrators need to . We parents need to build character, respect, confidence and self-esteem in our children—avoiding revenge mentality. And teachers need our support if they are going to maintain balance and control in the classroom while educating our children.

It isn’t always that simple, but it’s a start.

I know I’ve shared my opinion on this before, but I can’t imagine how we will solve this problem if we don’t work together—parents, educators, counselors and administrators. We need to check our egos at the door and work harder if we expect our children to feel like there are options other than ending their lives. Until they see us all on the same side, we are failing them.

Instead of just an army of one, perhaps we could form an army ... of one voice.

Taryn Grimes-Herbert is the author of the I’ve Got interactive book series for children. Calling upon her personal experience with bullying and her professional acting experience on Broadway, film and television, she takes her books and workshops into classrooms hoping to help kids build character, develop empathy and learn to communicate respectfully through creative dramatics activities. For more information, visit http://www.ivegotbooks.net.