Abuse and Manipulation on a Grand Scale

I have been thinking about this subject for quite some time, as I have seen people I know fall into the trap of being abused while at the same time thinking their abuser is benevolent and truly cares for them. What causes the abused person to think the person who mistreats them, may even bodily injure them, verbally abuses them, or seeks to control every part of their lives, isolates them, continues to allow this treatment or refuses to leave it is because they are getting something out of the relationship or they are so deeply enmeshed that they can't see how to get themselves out.

They may see themselves gaining by this person telling them the words they have wanted to hear, filling them in places that were vacant and lonely, without initially being alerted to the fact that this person is working to gain their confidence, slowly undermine their self-confidence, and may even create situations of crisis (particularly when their victim is becoming aware of their situation) and then appear to be there just to save them, and of course justify their behavior by blaming the victim or saying it was in their best interest.

Here's the thing: abusers are fully aware of what triggers their victim, and they use these triggers to manipulate the abused person for their own ends. They really do not care about this person, only in as much as it relates to their own happiness, so they will use them as they see fit. Once a person falls into the trap of someone like this, it isn't so easy to extricate themselves because the abuser, like any parasite, isn't so willing to let go of its host, and they will seek various ways to gain and maintain control over their victim. It is unfortunate that these abusers have been damaged somewhere along the way in their lives; nonetheless, this does not justify their behavior.

One of the cards of manipulation that is used very often by gang leaders or pimps that entrap young people is that they request a show of loyalty: "Show me that you love me by doing x, y, or z...." The X, Y, or Z are usually things that go against the natural morals of the person. Examples: Go out and hurt someone you don't even know, or sleep with someone and bring me back some cash. And if you don't want to, you don't love me, or I'll hurt you or threaten to hurt someone you know.

This all sounds very disturbing, and yet we are witnessing this type of manipulation and abuse on a grand scale. I would say Americans believe themselves to be good people, and a good percentage of them would say they believe in God, and they wouldn't necessarily consider themselves to have low self-esteem, but for some reason they are willing to allow their lawmakers to push through a piece of legislation that will categorically kill millions of people, "The One Big Beautiful Bill" (OBBB), and will put us further in the control of Big Brother. The one item that was thankfully removed from the OBBB was a moratorium on AI for 10 years, which meant that AI would have been allowed to go unchecked in its use for 10 full years. This most definitely would have been another means of control. They may try again; be alert.

What's in the bill is $45 billion to build new immigrant detention centers. Why do we need these? Who stands to gain from them? Private companies are looking to get the government contracts for the construction of these facilities and the temporary tent cities until these facilities are constructed https://thehill.com/homenews/a.... These institutions will most likely be privatized, making the locking up of immigrants a big business. Yes, people will be making money off this new immigration policy. Who will it house? If we say undocumented immigrants, why are we incarcerating people that have not committed a crime and have no criminal backgrounds? According to CBS News, of the 59,000 immigrants being detained by ICE, nearly half of them have no criminal record, and less than 30% have been convicted of crimes. If people are going to be deported, then that means you send them back. If you send them back, then there is no need to put them in detention, unless, of course, you stand to make money from it. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/i... Meanwhile, on the campaign trail, the current president said he would send back "dangerous criminal migrants," (understanding that fear is a trigger) and his supporters were on board with that, but the vast majority of immigrants being detained are not dangerous criminals; in fact, many immigrants are being detained that have been adhering to and participating with our legal system to retain their legal status, and yet many supporters are still on board with that, even if it goes against their moral conscience (i.e., putting innocent people in jail, literally putting a group of non-white people in concentration camps) because he did say to his supporters over and over again on the campaign trail, "I love you."

"I love you, even if I hurt you." Consider that the "Big Beautiful Bill" will cut 13.7 million Americans from necessary life-giving and life-saving health coverage. Even if you are not one of these individuals, if you don't object to this, then you are on board with it. If you are on board with it, then you are not caring whether these people live or die. If you are a Christian, this has some deep moral implications. As a Christian, I am a follower of Jesus' teachings, and he taught, "What you do for the least of these, you do for me."
Matthew 25:36-40
36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it to me.’

If you are not a Christian, and this doesn't have "those" moral implications for you, consider that 13.7 million is quite a lot of people and that "you" or someone you know will be affected. In fact, entire communities will be feeling the pain because some communities only have a hospital, with the majority of its funding coming from Medicaid, so that means hospitals will close, and it may be the hospital that you will need during a medical emergency. But it won't be there because you didn't care about them, remember? And you are standing by this policy and its lead champion because he "loves you," even if it hurts you. One of the legislators that voted for this bill said, "We are all going to die," when asked about the people that are going to die as a result of these Medicaid cuts. This was a callous response, to say the least, but it was a "justification" for voting for the OBBB https://www.bbc.com/news/video... This legislator did not, of course, offer to be one of these people "who are just going to die." Since it's going to happen to everyone, and it's no big deal, then does that mean they can have their medical insurance stripped from them and their family because "We are all going to die"?

In fact, on July 27th, 2024, the current president told his Christian supporters on the campaign trail. "in four years, you don't have to vote again. We'll have it fixed so good, you're not gonna have to vote." https://www.reuters.com/world/... If someone says you don't have a choice anymore of whether you are with them or not, it's not because they love you; it's because they want to control you, and they aren't going to let go. They'll decide for you. You have given them the reins of control. And once entrapped, it's not so easy to escape.

Remember this control is for their purposes, hence all those "Trillions" of dollars in tax cuts for the wealthy (who of course needed it—not!) that were in that "Big Beautiful Bill," which will not be going to the average person.

You may say to yourself, "I don't fit into any of these categories. I am safe," except that you are only as safe as long as you are useful. Consider the acrimonious Musk expulsion from the government and the threats to Republican Senator Thom Tillis by the president to back an opponent against him in an upcoming election because Tillis opposed the OBBB. Remember, gang leaders will threaten you or those around you in order to get you to do what they want for their purposes because "they love you" and "they will take care of you."

Someone with great power can create the distraction of starting a war in order to distract from political unrest, dissatisfaction, and opposition to their plans, as in the "Hands Off" and the "No Kings" protests that drew millions of Americans. Then can they cool down the war temperature to show they are in control. An abuser will create a crisis situation (particularly when their victim is becoming aware of their situation) and then make it appear that they are the savior.

In an abusive relationship, after the abused realizes that this is not love but control, it often happens that one last abusive behavior or violent act will push them to walk out the door and never look back https://twsh.org/community-edu...

About the author: Raquel Irizarry has an MSSW from Columbia School of Social Work and a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary. She is also a lay minister with the United Church of Christ.