All I Want For Christmas Is Poo: Santa Visits New Midtown Potty

MIDTOWN, NY — You've seen mommy kissing Santa Claus, but have you ever walked in on him taking a leak?

Some lucky Virginias in Herald Square today might have checked off this year's latest holiday attraction, as Saint Nick is listed as the guest of honor at the unveiling of a new "luxurious" public toilet.

He was scheduled to be the first to soil the brand-new Miracle on 34th Street on Friday, and is said to have relieved his holiday load surrounded by luxurious appointments and finishings provided by the 34th Street Partnership.

According to the Partnership, the management Business Improvement District who helped sponsor the new relief station, the free potty will replace a former automated pay toilet, close since 2020 because of frequent mechanical issues.

This new bathroom is not your typical public restroom, says the 34th Street Partnership.

“With the addition of the new Herald bathroom, the Partnership continues to provide a comfortable and safe experience for workers, shoppers, and tourists in one the busiest corridors in the world,” said Dan Biederman, president of the 34th Street Partnership. “Our team is responsible for the bathrooms not only in Greeley Square Park, but also in Bryant Park. Both have been widely acclaimed and we expect nothing less for Herald Square.”

It features "spectacular" finishes, new lighting, plumbing and an HVAC system. Plus, it will be staffed by an attendant during the potty's operating hours between 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day.

Similar to the public restroom in nearby Greeley Square, the Herald Square luxury john features a central common sink.

Anxious New Yorkers awaiting relief can also expect their bowel movements to be surrounded by fresh flowers, "gleaming" fixtures, classical music, artwork and automatic seat-covers.

Sources couldn't confirm if Santa was heading to Queens, but after blessing the new Herald Square toilet, he might be heading to Flushing next.