Park Slope Food Coop Member Sentenced to 4 Years Without Fresh Vegetables

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN — A longtime member of the Park Slope Food Coop, the largest and perhaps most legendary food co-op in America, pleaded guilty on June 15 to as many as 10 instances of "time theft" — aka, falsely signing into work shifts — according to a damning, 1,000-word report in the latest issue of the co-op's official newsletter, the Linewaiters' Gazette.

As punishment, after 45 minutes of tense deliberation at a "packed hearing," the Park Slope Food Coop Disciplinary Committee reportedly sentenced the defendant to four years of total banishment from co-op premises.

The final sentence, while painful, was a much lighter punishment than was originally proposed.

According to Gazette reporter Pat Smith, the Committee informed the offender upon learning of his (or her) offenses that "the Coop takes time theft seriously and that false sign-ins could not be made up. Therefore the member was asked to permanently resign from the Coop."

Upon request, however, the defendant was granted a public hearing.

Come judgment day, Smith reports, "the accused member admitted the misconduct, expressed remorse and [appealed] for a lesser penalty than expulsion from the Coop for life, a punishment the member did not expect and felt was unduly harsh."

And indeed, after listening to character testimony from the defendant's friends and "squad members," the Committee decided — against the recommendation of the head Coop Advocate, who reportedly argued that "all members are required to do for the Coop is work" and that "it is disturbing when members believe it is OK to apologize and that’s enough" — that four years banishment from Brooklyn's most prestigious vegetable institution would make for ample suffering.

Hungry for more details? By all means, read the full report in the Linewaiters' Gazette.