How Parents Are Dealing With Life's Uncertainties During COVID-19

It has been months of pandemic chaos, and the biggest challenge for some is simply not knowing what’s to come. All of our usual certainties have been wiped away — and most likely with a Clorox wipe.

Will we go back to work in an office? Will the kids go to school? Will there be a vaccine or treatment? We are constantly wondering if life will ever be “normal” again, and we just don't know the answers.

Through all of this, we are being forced to face some of life’s biggest challenges: being completely fine with not knowing what’s ahead, being in the present and having no control over the situation. This is nearly impossible to handle without a massive amount of anxiety.

Mom Daphne says, "I think life is always uncertain, but normally we can pretend that we’re in charge. Although, the unknowns of this virus make it painfully clear, and now we can't ignore that we are not in control of anything."

The other day, I met a friend for an outdoor drink, and the first thing she says to me is, "Isn't this just horrible?" She's been caring for two restless and demanding young girls and a moody husband who hates working from home in their guest room. Some of her biggest worries are about school and not knowing if her kids will or should go back to a classroom.

“We live in a culture that demands control, especially of our children," says writer Jenni Mahnaz, an "unschooling" expert. "There has never been a more absurd idea than the idea that we can control another human being — and, yet, that's exactly what parents are expected to do. So now, we live in a moment where the usual resources aren't accessible and we are faced with a never-ending storm of difficult decisions that must be made without the usual promise of future reward because the future is completely and utterly unknown. Yet, somehow, 'control' is still what we're aiming for.”

Of course, the only thing I want to control is making sure my child can have friends and play dates — especially when winter hits and it's harder to be outside in the fresh (COVID-19-free) air!

Mom Amy has recently made a shift in her thinking. "This is hard for me," she says. "I'm a planner and really cling to what I 'know.' Something that has really helped me stay grounded through this is my faith. I also struggle with anxiety, so being mindful of my triggers and figuring out what things really help and employing those tactics has been important also."

Psychotherapist Natalie Baker, who specializes in therapy based on Buddhist principles, says that people have a hard time with the unknown because it is not controllable. She says, "We are most comfortable when we perceive we can know and control ourselves and our environment. From a Buddhist point of view, we don’t need to control everything; it is not possible. Existence is impermanent and constantly changing. So our job is to find the workability of life within that quality of reality."

My therapist (aka spiritual teacher) constantly tells me this isn't happening to us, this is happening for us. He reminds me that we're being led in life, for our own good. So in some ways, the pressure to control is off, and we can let things unfold. I'd like to think that some amazing shifts in education will happen from this, too.

Mahnaz says, "My biggest tip for walking into the unknown is to keep practicing letting go of the need for control and to remember that literally everyone is in the same boat. We may be walking through unknown territory, but we most certainly aren't alone."

If you're still having a hard time dealing with your anxiety through the unknown of schooling, here is a positive perspective and good advice from Jenni Miller, a home schooling consultant and co-founder of Headstart Schooling.

She says, "The anxiety many are feeling over the choices ahead is to be expected and is a signal that good parenting is happening as families seek the best path forward for their kids. The good news is that there are so many options for parents and kids emerging in the midst of this crisis. For the first time, the idea of highly individualized educations for many children is becoming a possibility, and parents are making it a reality."

She offers some action items for right now that can ease your worries and create opportunity where it feels like there is none:

• First, she recommends you join a Facebook group of home-schoolers where you'll find hands-on support and wisdom.
• Second, she says it's a good to idea to start building a community, small learning communities or "bubble schools," where you can work together and share the load. "You don't have to go it alone!" she says.

Other Parenting News:

• How To Teach Our Children About Racial Injustice
• Keeping The Peace With Family During Coronavirus Isolation
• How To Balance Working From Home With The Kids Around