5 Rules To Follow When Tipping Your Doorman This Holiday

UPPER EAST SIDE, NY — In New York City, many holiday traditions endure — ice skating in the park, watching the Nutcracker, seeing the Rockefeller tree — but perhaps no annual tradition is as lasting as asking your neighbors and friends: "What should I be tipping my doorman?"

The answer? It sort of depends. There are several variables to take into account, like personal budget, building-specific norms, and the level of personal attention received.

However, after hitting the streets and interviewing several door attendants, Upper East Siders, and one etiquette coach about holiday tipping culture, some general rules emerged that everyone can follow. Here they are.

Showing your gratitude is about more than just cash

Mariah Humbert, a New Yorker who teaches etiquette classes and runs a company called Old Soul Ettiquette, said that the most important thing to do is to express your gratitude to the staff in your building.

"What's most important is that you show your gratitude," Humbert told Patch. "I think the idea of tipping in general is so important because you want to consider how these people have contributed to making your life easier and better over the past year."

Chris, a door attendant in a condo building in Lenox Hill, agrees.

"Regardless of what you can tip, what matters is how the residents treat me throughout the year. Like, say hello, make eye contact — I'm a human being," Chris, who gave just his first name for privacy purposes, said.

"If your attitude towards me, no matter how much I try to do for you, is indifferent, and you give me all the money in the world, now I feel like you're buying me to put up with you."

Give what you can

A general rule of thumb for tipping is between $25 and $100 per building worker, but tipping more is always appreciated, Humbert said.

Of the eight door attendants Patch interviewed on the Upper East Side, three said the average amount per household was $200, one said $150, one said $100, and three more said it varies too widely to give a ballpark number.

The most important thing is that you stick to a personal budget, according to the etiquette coach.

"I live in a really large building where there is a large number of people working between the porters and the doormen and the concierges, so I have to take that into consideration when I come up with my budget," Humbert said.

"I always tell people to make sure that you're planning ahead, come up with the tipping budget that you are able to give, and then you can divide that based on who contributes to your life," Humbert said.

Include a handwritten note

"A handwritten note is everything," Humbert told Patch. "Using your words to display your gratitude is super important too, because it's not only about the monetary value, it's the gesture in general."

Especially for buildings that pool tips or have lots of people on staff, a handwritten note is a way to personally give thanks, she said. Humbert said it's great if residents' children write thank-you notes as well.

Dzako, a door attendant of three years who works at a condo building in Lenox Hill, said that at the end of the day, tipping is optional, but if you don't tip, you'll be in the minority.

"It means a lot. We're here 24/7, ensuring the safety of the residents and helping them whenever they need anything," Dzako, who gave Patch just his first name for privacy, said. "We're always here for them, and it just shows their level of gratitude back."

Upper East Sider Geri FitzGerald told Patch she always gives a cash gift, as well as a handwritten note. On average, she gives around $200 per staff member at her building, she said.

"I have friends who live in ritzier buildings than mine who give $500, and there are people in my building on a more fixed income who may give $10, $20, or $50 per person," FitzGerald said.

"I think it's important to give something and to have that handwritten note so that people know they're acknowledged."

Follow your building's norms

A good rule of thumb is that staff in condo and co-op buildings expect larger tips than they do in rental buildings, but if there is a tip box in the lobby, it's most likely that tips are going to be pooled.

Often, building boards or management will circulate tipping suggestions, Humbert said.

"An important thing to keep in mind is to follow the protocol of the building you live in," Humbert said. "Some buildings have a no-tip policy, some have specific guidelines about how much to tip. Respecting the way that your building does things is super important."

Patrick Stubgen, who lives on the Upper East Side in an 11-floor building, said the co-op board at his building puts out a tipping suggestion for each person on staff.

Suggested tips range based on seniority and role at the building, and since it's a small building, the suggested amounts are much higher per household than they would be at a larger building, Stubgen said.

When tipping, make sure to take your personal situation into account. For example, if you are getting takeout and packages every day, or if you are a tenant who's barely home, adjust accordingly.

However, it's important to calculate your tip based on how much service you're getting, rather than whether you rent or own.

"At the end of the year, whatever tip they give, kind of tells me what they think of me," Chris, who gave Patch just his first name for privacy, said.

"When you get a bad tip, you feel as if you've got a failing grade. What bothers me personally is that I don't know what to ask for how I can do better. Do I ask the tenant about it directly? Do I ask my boss?"

Cash is still king

One of the most important rules to follow, no matter how much you plan on tipping, is to give it directly as a cash gift or a check that can be made out to cash, several door attendants and Upper East Siders said.

"Doormen would like it untraceable, so it's given as a cash check or as cash," Stubgen said.

"It's the right thing to do. Am I big into the Christmas spirit? No, but I do know that people appreciate having the extra cash on hand. I think it creates a sense that we appreciate them more than just saying, thank you every day."

For questions and tips, email Miranda.Levingston@Patch.com.