Gwyneth Paltrow All Up in Greenpoint Grocery Store for Shmexy Magazine Shoot

GREENPOINT, BROOKLYN — Regulars of the Associated supermarket at Manhattan Avenue and Calyer Street, arguably the neighborhood's most unremarkable grocery store, were at once honored, scandalized and kinda weirded out this week to learn that Hollywood behemoth Gwyneth Paltrow had consciously uncoupled from the Brentwood Country Mart in Los Angeles just long enough for Harper's Bazaar to fly her to Brooklyn and photograph her posing half-naked all over Associated's conveyer belt and dairy cooler and Honey Nut Chex aisle.

The New York Post rushed reliably to the scene of the shoot Tuesday to interview some locals.

One "smitten stock boy" told the paper: “I wish all our customers looked this good. I’d be a lot more excited to show up to work.”

Added a middle-aged cart-pusher nearby: “I’m suddenly in the mood for frozen peas and asparagus."

Photos below. (Let 'em load. Worth it.)

Then, suspecting (quite rightly) that this whole "Gwyneth in Greenpoint" story might have some life in her yet, the Post returned to Associated later that day to — God bless the Post— recreate the Harper's shoot with everyday Brooklynites.

Brandon Clifton, an alleged 31-year-old country singer and transplant from Tennessee, flashed his furry belly for the news cameras and said: “Gwyneth is my spirit animal. I’ve always wanted to be a beautiful white woman shopping in a New York City grocery for skim milk."

Vangie Suarez, a 62-year-old grandmother who makes the commute to Associated from down in Williamsburg, was a shade less starstruck. “She’s only looking good because she’s been Photoshopped and she’s got that money,” Suarez said of Paltrow. "... She uses the expensive stuff on her face — cucumbers and all that crazy stuff.”

Meanwhile, over at Jezebel, where a surprising portion of staff writers apparently live in Greenpoint, hot takes abound, re: Associated as a cover-shoot venue choice — as opposed to, say, Greenpoint Natural Foods, or The Garden, or The Food Bazaar.

The grapes at Associated "are alarming trash," one Jezebel staffer writes. Then again, she adds, "thanks 2 Gwyneth for not f**king up a grocery store I actually frequent."