Learn Your Cursed Fate at Tonight's L Train Shutdown Meeting

WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN — In the hours leading up to downtown Williamsburg's annual Cinco de Mayo bro-fest this year, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) will be holding a raucous pre-party — exclusively for L Train riders! — at the Marcy Avenue Armory at 7 p.m. Thursday.

At the event, MTA party planners promise to partake in "robust community engagement" and answer all your burning questions, re: "construction options and alternate service plans" during the devastating, possibly years-long L Train shutdown planned for 2019. (Buzzkill!)

Doors open 6 p.m. at 355 Marcy Ave.

Thursday's big L Train event is bound to be packed with everyone who's anyone on the North Brooklyn-to-Mid-Manhattan commuter circuit, from panicked college students to entitled young professionals/creatives to furious home- and business owners whose buildings are situated along the L tracks.

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OK, but for real. This is a seriously frightening and potentially life-altering thing you should care about.

The MTA is choosing between two options for repairing Superstorm Sandy damage in L Train's two tunnels beneath the East River, according to an update Thursday in the New York Times.

The first option: close the tunnel entirely, in both directions, for a year and a half.

The second option: close one tunnel at a time over a THREE-YEAR period. Under this plan, the Times reports trains would only run every 12 to 15 minutes during rush hours. (They currently run every three to four minutes.) At this rate, the L could only transport one-fifth of the 225,000 riders who use the L to cross the East River each day, according the Times.

So what will happen to all these poor, displaced L Train riders come 2019?

In previous press briefings, MTA officials have hinted they may run extra buses over the Williamsburg Bridge; run ferries between Manhattan and Brooklyn; or run G and M Trains more frequently to handle the overflow. However, city planners will likely respond to this and other questions/insults/complete mental breakdowns in more detail at Thursday night's meeting.

In short: Be there. If only to escape the avalanche of Corona-drunk bros stumbling down Bedford a mile west.