Parents Talk Q&A: Shopping Alone With Friends

Welcome to "Parents Talk," a new, weekly feature on Cleveland Heights Patch. Each week the Cleveland Heights Parents Council will answer a question on parenthood posed to them by readers or another member of council. Join the conversation by logging in an posting a comment below. We'd love to hear from you. 

This week's question : At what age is it appropriate for your children to go to the mall on their own?

Mariya Ali: My daughter first asked to be allowed to go to the mall with her friends in sixth grade.  At the time I felt 11 was a little too early for such independence, so I offered to take her and a few of her friends instead.  About a year later, she asked me again if I would feel comfortable dropping her off at the mall with her friends.  All I could picture in my mind was the numerous times I found myself annoyed by loud, rowdy, unsupervised teens I encounter at local malls on a regular basis.  They block the way, use their "outside" voice, curse just as loudly, horse around, and generally create a nuisance with their inconsiderate behavior.  Of course my then-12-year-old assured me that, after years of me using every one of those occasions to point out those negative behaviors to her, she would never conduct herself in such a manner ... So I thought this over and outlined a few rules:
1.  She cannot go alone or split off from her group at any point
2.  She can only go with "approved" friends (long-time friends, whose parents I know well.)
3.  She and her friends must exhibit good manners at all times!
4.  They must be accompanied to/from the mall by myself or another trusted parent.  
5.  I would strongly prefer that they are not simply dropped off, but that the accompanying adult would do their own shopping (maybe in a different store) and check in with the girls on a regular basis.

OK, so maybe some of you are reading this and thinking that I am crazy.  In any case, my daughter gave a resigned sigh and agreed to the terms.  We started out by taking her and her friends to the mall on her 12th birthday.  I followed them at a distance most of the time and let them go to a couple of stores by themselves.  This year one of her good friends celebrated her birthday by taking her friends to the movie theater at Richmond.  I felt comfortable with that — I have known this family for many years and trust them with my daughter's safety. The parents were in the theater watching a different movie, so they could be available on short notice.

I think tackling this in stages really helped both of us to feel comfortable with the idea of my daughter spending unsupervised time in a public place outside of school.  I feel more confident that she and her friends will not be "one of those teens," and I think that she got a clear understanding of my expectations by modeling her behavior for me.

Katura Simmons: My daughter turned 12 this past weekend and wanted to spend her birthday at the mall with several friends (alone — without an adult) and I was not in agreeance with that idea.

I truly believe I have taught my daughter the fundaments to appropriate behavior when I am not around; however, it’s the environment I don’t trust. Pre-teens watching other pre-teens making terrible decisions could rub off — there is too much room for good or bad opportunities.

Outside of the behavior issue lies the dress code issue. I don’t want my pre-teen coming home with overpriced and/or inappropriate items.

In my opinion, shopping freely (whether it is window shopping or actually purchasing) is for adults.