I Love You, Alora ... But Go The 'F' To Sleep

I'm not a very patient person, but since I've been a mother, I feel like I've grown some in that department. As a mom, you have to be patient. But, besides Philadelphia area traffic, the only other thing that I seem NOT to be able to control my famed red-headed temper about is my daughter going to bed.

I'll admit it. We were spoiled first. My son was the quietest baby ever. He slept through the night by 10 weeks, and ever since has quietly gone to bed, peacefully, happily, and will even ask to go if it is getting too late.

It seems just about EVERY night of my daughter's life, however, yes all five years of it, we've fought her to go to bed. We've gone through various stages with it. She used to sleep in a bassinet beside our bed, but would fuss to be IN the bed with us. She'd be in a crib but fuss to be picked up.

We did the full, painful, let her cry it out plan. She eventually did. She got used to her "own room" and slept in her nursery. But most every night, it was still a fight.

She transitioned to her "big girl room" by age 2-and-a-half, and that stage felt like it might take eons to overcome. We went in stages even for that step. We started lying down with her. We then progressed to sitting on the bed. Then, we'd sit on the rocking chair beside the bed. Then we'd creep out the door. About nine times out of ten, she'd wake up before you got to the hall, and scream.

We've read books, asked friends, tried hard love, tried coddling ... at age 5, we are still fighting the good fight.

In the last year or so, we've done the nightlights. We have a glowing princess, a light-up multi-colored Eiffel Tower, the hall light AND a Pillow Pet Dream Light (which casts a star pattern full ceiling pattern) all going these days, just to prevent her from sleeping with all lights on like she used to do.

We have a routine every night. We spray "Monster Spray" to prevent any "invasions." (OK, it's really Glade air freshener with a fake label.) We sing our songs, read out books, say our prayers and hug and kiss goodnight. We start out to the couch, but it is unusual to make it all the way without the dreaded yell.... "Moooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!"

We go through that about 10 times. From needing to go potty, to needing a drink, to needing an extra kiss, to finding a beloved stuffed animal, to needing another song/book/prayer ... the list goes on and on.

A friend not so long ago introduced me to a book on the matter, and I think it sums up the problem pretty accurately. The book "Go the [four-letter, f-word expletive deleted] To Sleep" is written by Adam Mansbach, and encompasses exactly how I feel just about every night.

You can purchase the adults-only read on Amazon. If you want a preview, the real bang for the buck is the audio version, which  ... wait for it ... is read by Samuel L. Jackson. Classic.

It isn't family friendly, and I can't read it to my daughter with all of its inclusive cuss words, but man does it make me laugh. It really makes you understand how one might feel in the situation. I know it helps me.

Perhaps mommy needs to add this to the routine: A little light-hearted laughter post-bedtime to help bring the bp back down! If you are like me, and the bedtime stresses have you down, have a listen to the audio at upper right. (WARNING: It isn't appropriate for full audiences, and has multiple uses of inappropriate language. You may want to use discretion before watching in a workplace or in front of children.)