Mom’s Advice Still Guides Them, Patch Readers Say In Mother’s Day Tributes

ACROSS AMERICA — This mom knew just what to do when her daughter began throwing up. She told her to stop it.

“We were onboard a ship sailing for Brazil when I started to vomit,” Phoenixville (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Anne began her Mother’s Day tribute.

She’d been on the Baltic Sea in her family’s small sailboat many times before and had never gotten seasick.

“The ship’s doctor came to talk to my mother, as he was worried that I would become too dehydrated to survive. Enter my mother, whose words to me were, ‘Stop throwing up now or you will die.’ ”

It was if she willed it through the sheer force of a mother’s love.

“Since I always obeyed my mother, I stopped and never threw up again in my life,” Anne said, adding, “and I’m 81.”

In Anne’s case, the advice, or the command, was potentially life-saving in the most literal sense. No less valuable in their children’s lives were the morsels of advice dished out by the mothers of about 150 Patch readers who responded to our informal Mother’s Day survey.

Universal themes were wisdom, of course, but also empathy, mirth and an iron will to make their kids’ lives better than theirs had been.

Not So Subtle Pushes

Peter never saw the “Dear John” letter coming. His mother did, though, and had the wisdom to let his relationship with Pam play out. A four-time high school dropout, Peter was only 17 when he fell in love with Pam, a year his junior.

He had already moved out, had a full-time job at a gas station, and paid for his first car. “I was paying my own way,” the Farmingdale, New York, native said. “She was still living at home with her parents, who I wanted to impress by my motivation to succeed.”

Peter’s mother waited a few months after he left home before asking him “to talk.” She knew her son was in love with Pam. She didn’t try to talk him out of it, instead focusing on more pertinent issues.

“Her question, how did I intend to support Pam without an education? Work at a gas station my whole life? Really?” he said.

The military, she suggested, would give Peter “the training, the knowledge and the life’s experience to properly take care of Pam later in life,” he said.

Two months later, she signed the paperwork allowing her son, still a minor, to join the Navy.

“Pam was not a fan,” Peter said. “I received the traditional ‘Dear John’ letter in boot camp but continued my quest to succeed.”

He had done all of this with the idea of providing for Pam, who already had a new boyfriend. He powered through the heartbreak, joined the Navy’s submarine force and, later, graduated from Navy A School, where he received more technical training “because I wanted to be challenged.”

After six years in the Navy, “I married my soulmate and we had three kids,” said Peter, who retired after 22 years in the military. He and his wife, both 67, have been married for 46 years.

“My mom passed in 2017 but knew we loved her,” Peter said. “Thank you to my dearest Mom, as you know it wasn’t Pam’s but your guidance and intuition that made me be successful in everything I attempted. I love you.”

Hyannis (Massachusetts) Patch reader Rachael’s mom pointed her in the right direction, too.

“She was reading the newspaper one morning and she ‘casually’ mentioned that the Postal Service was getting ready to hold the Civil Service exam for employment and that I should take it,” Rachael said. “I ‘casually’ said, ‘yeah, maybe.’ That was 30 years ago and I am no getting ready to retire from delivering mail. So, thanks, Ma!”

‘Pay Yourself First’

Moms through time have helped set their children on the right course financially.

“ ‘Pay yourself first and save, save, save’ was what my mom told me when I got my first job at 16 years old,” said Patricia, a Branford (Connecticut) Patch reader. “I followed her advice throughout my working career. I was able to retire at 62 years old. I won’t be traveling the world over, but I should be comfortable.”

Woodbridge (Illinois) Patch reader Francis received similar advice from her mother, who emigrated from Ireland at 26, an age deemed a “spinster” by her family. She did marry, and with her husband raised three daughters. “She was the original ‘women’s libber,’” Frances said, calling her mom “a force of nature.”

What she meant by “pay yourself first” was to sort out the must-pay bills such as the mortgage, utilities and insurance before anything else, and put a predetermined amount in savings, then “push yourself to increase the amount over time.

“I just retired with no mortgage, no debts and enough to find a comfortable retirement,” Frances said. “I took effort, but it started with a $25 paycheck.”

Montclair (New Jersey) Patch reader Caryl’s mother got her first job in a handkerchief factory in 1920. “Her supervisor told her, ‘Money is your best friend.’ She passed that advice on to me,” Caryl said.

‘Ours, Not Mine Or Yours’

Shelby-Utica (Michigan) Patch reader Kathleen was only 4 in 1963 when her mother, Bernice Laurenitis Egbert, died of breast cancer at age 28. Her siblings were 2, 6 and 7.

Kathleen knows her mom, though, through the stories of her grandmother and aunts that paint a picture of a nurse who loved caring for older people; a woman heavily involved in her community, church and kids’ schools; a woman loved and admired by many and known to be a “go-giver”; and a wonderful mother who loved her children so much that, had she not died, she would have had four more.

Kathleen’s mother left letters for her children to read when they were on the brink of adulthood at 17. As she read her letter, Kathleen looked ahead to her future to her wedding day as she absorbed the words in her mother’s letter:

"Marriage is what you make of it. From now on when you refer to things it is ‘ours,’ not mine or yours, from that almighty paycheck to the tube of toothpaste. Marriage is give-and-take and learning to accept the fact that you aren’t always right, and when you know you are in the wrong, admit it. A humble person has character, a stubborn person nothing.

“And when you have your problems, talk about them between yourselves and not to other people. And bring things out in the open; do not let them brew inside of you You will find that talking about your problems together will bring you closer and root your marriage. You will have your arguments and flare-ups, as every marriage does. And in the beauty of it all, you may be blessed by God to be parents, and it is the most incredible blessing of all.”

Kathleen made copies of the letter and shared them with her granddaughters when they got married.

Narragansett-South Kingstown (Rhode Island) Patch reader Lou Ann’s mother’s advice on marriage: “People say you are marrying him, not his family. The truth is, you are marrying the family and him.”

Her mom could communicate volumes with “a mother’s look,” Lou Ann said. She could keep a secret, too. “I, and my brothers and sisters, could always speak to our mother in confidence,” Lou Ann said.

Chatham (New Jersey) Patch reader Carol’s mother was engaged to an Army Air Force solider, Carol’s father, for four years during the World War II years because he didn’t want her to be a war widow. They finally married in 1945. Her mother’s advice, along with “four years is too long to be engaged,” was this:

“Don’t marry the one you can live with. Mary the one you can’t live without. And marry your best friend.”

Strong Moms Raise Strong Women

Chicago Patch reader Laurie’s mother was an artist and craftsperson who came out as a lesbian after 26 years of marriage. She has been “happily married for over 35 years to a wonderful woman,” Laurie said.

Her mom’s advice: “Don’t learn to type. The man in charge of IBM doesn’t know how to type. He knows how to manage the people who type.”

Manchester (Connecticut) Patch reader Edith’s mom raised her not to doubt herself.

“My mom always said, ‘Your first thoughts are your best,’ and she was right every time,” Edith said. “I decided to do something one way, then changed my mind. It never worked out. I should have done it the way I originally thought. Mom was right.”

Edith said her mother is long gone, “but she made me the strong, independent woman I am today.”

Naperville (Illinois) Patch reader Juanita’s mother was forced to drop out of high school when she was 15 because she was pregnant. It was s standard practice in 1945, but when she retired years later, she enrolled in high school to continue an education she didn’t get to finish decades before.

“She was the oldest student, but she wanted a real diploma and not a GED,” Juanita said. “She graduated as valedictorian!”

When Juanita turned 15, her mother extracted a promise “that I would not smoke, drink or have sex until after I graduated from high school.”

“She said if I promised, the moment I walked across the stage and got my diploma, she would consider me grown,” Juanita said. “I promised.”

Ashley, a Massachusetts Patch reader, said her mom’s best advice came from her own experiences. She said, “Be yourself, never give up on your dreams or goals. Know your family will always love you and be there for you, no matter what.”

Calling her mom “the strongest woman I know,” Ashley said that despite obstacles, she is “always so composed as she holds her head high — come hell or high water, she can survive anything.”

“During the many losses that life brings, my mom finds a way to push through and carry on,” Ashley said. “It’s one of the things I admire most about her.”

Ashley’s father was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2023, and her mother is his around-the-clock caretaker. They’ve been married for 48 years. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for her husband, or for any family member, Ashley said. After she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2022, “mom was there for me,” and continues to be, Ashley said.

“She just is so caring, loving and understanding,” Ashley said. “She is truly my best friend, my motivator, my inspiration and just a woman of courage and determination.”

Set Strong Examples

Rachel reminds her children they “do not, in fact, have a more awesome mom than me.”

“Mom was my executive function,” the Medford (Massachusetts) Patch reader said. “More than my teachers, she gave me the foundation of finishing a written assignment.”

“My mother used to say, ‘The best investments in life are in the education of your children; leave good people,’ ” said Elaine, a New Jersey Patch reader.

“She wasn’t just talking about school, but teaching your children to be good people,” Elaine said. “She was a savvy lady from Brooklyn who taught me three brothers and me invaluable life lessons that we carry with us and have passed on to our own children.”

“Things work out for the best,” said Harlem (New York) Patch reader Flash. “Sounds pollyannaish on the surface, but she would say this as comfort and encouragement for us to strive to actively make ‘the best’ out of any situation.

“It taught us to accept, yeah, that’s disappointing and bad things happen,” Flash said. “It was our responsibility to look at what we can learn from it, with determination to maintain a genuine, positive attitude, and to understand how life works with appreciation and without chronic grumbling.”

Flash visited her mother, an early education teacher of 3-year-olds, and watched “in awe of the way all the kids followed her instruction from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.”

“She never raised her voice, nor punished any child,” Flash said. “As a performance artist in New York City, I was in awe. No matter how well a show of mine might go, I will never have such command of an audience.”

‘Best Worst Advice’

Oswego (Illinois) Patch reader Eldora recalls her mother’s “best worst advice.”

“It was her best, because it came into play numerous times in my life, and I call it the worst because I hated hearing it over and over again, but it finally sunk in and my appreciation for these wise words began to grow.”

The advice: “No matter how bad you hurt in life, always know there’s someone else who’s got it way worse than you do.”

The words brought Eldora comfort in hard times, and she shares “the advice that burned my ears at times” with the grandson she is raising. He has spent nearly half his life in the hospital and has more treatments ahead.

“We’ve met people from all over the world at that ‘hamburger house’ where you stay when kids are in the hospital and heard so many stories,” Eldora said. “You got to just keep fighting as long as you’re in the ring, and always remember that best worst advice.”

Eldora’s mother is 90 now. She has Alzheimer’s disease. “She peeks through every once in a while, but no matter, we always laugh many times for no reason at all,” Eldora said. “As long as we can still bring some form of happiness to each other, there’s nothing better in the world.”

Alice, a Pittsburgh Patch reader, said her mother’s best advice was “not what she said but what she showed — empathy, compassion and kindness to everyone.”

“She was of the silent generation,” Alice said. “Her actions always spoke louder than any words would have.”

Pass On Passing Judgment

New York City Patch reader Maria’s mother was 2 years old when she was pulled from school to cook for her family. “Despite having no education, she was to me, the kindest and bravest woman I have ever known,” Maria said.

As an 8-year-old with two younger siblings living on the Upper West Side, Maria came to understand how deliberately her mother had chosen kindness, despite her circumstances. She had overheard her daughters making fun of and being mean to a homeless man named Joe and imparted a lesson that sticks with Maria today.

“She told us to stop because we didn’t know what bad things may have happened to him to end up living on the street. She told us that everyone needs to be respected, even those like Joe,” Maria said. “Since that day, my sisters and I would say good morning to him, even when we thought he was sleeping.”

Palm Springs (California) Patch reader Marty learned a similar lesson while growing up in New York City, where many families live in apartments. Her mother’s guiding words:

“Treat the maintenance staff with the same level of respect you show the landlord.”

Lakeland (Florida) Patch reader Lloyd had one of those moms, too.

“She was an orphan at 8 years old,” Lloyd said. “We were poor but rich with love. She worked hard all of her life. She had cancer and we were on welfare for a year. She usually ate after we finished. She was the epitome of sacrificial love.”

She persevered and wound up owning a home and a dry cleaning business.

“As a single mom raising five of us, she would often remind us to never compare ourselves to others because the result would be that you either think you’re better or you think you’re worse,” Lloyd said. “Neither is healthy.”

Palos Verdes (California) Patch reader Susan has been on the receiving end of unkind treatment.

“After getting teased by bullies, my mom said, ‘The best thing to do in that situation is to say thank you and continue on your way. That is not the response they are wanting, and you can be on your way,’ ” Susan said.

“It has always stayed with me,” she said. “Bullies usually have a problem with their own self-esteem and put you down to make themselves feel superior.”

Susan said the advice helped shape her own self-awareness and her own power over negative people.

“I have since become aware of who I am and don’t let negative people affect my life — thanks to my mom, for the best advice,” she added.

“Never let them see your pain” was the best advice of Chicago Patch reader Elizabeth’s mom, a World War II immigrant. “She was beautiful, strong and sophisticated,” Elizabeth said.

Algonquin-Lake In The Hills (Illinois) Patch reader Beth’s mother offered this: “Don’t forget the past! Read old books to help discover for yourself the world you live in.”

‘Get Hate Out Of Your Heart’

Peggy Ann, a Pennsylvania Patch reader who lives in Brookhaven, said her mother frequently admonished her for slouching and told her to stand up straight.

“When I contracted Parkinson’s in my late 70s, it prevented the slouching stance so many Parkinson’s patients develop,” Peggy Ann said.

Plainfield (Illinois) Patch reader Kathy lost her mother when she was 20, and her grandmother stepped in to fill the void.

“I always cherished my time with my grandmother,” Kathy said. “She always said, ‘Make smart choices, save for the future and live to the fullest; there will be a day when you are not able to physically do what you want to do.”

To her grandmother, who lived to be 107, Kathy said, “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Anne Arundel (Maryland) Patch reader Gina’s mother recently died, and Sunday will be the first Mother’s Day without her.

“My mom was full of advice, well-thought-out and seasoned with prayer,” Gina said. “But one thing that stands out that Mom said many times, ‘Get the hate out of your heart.’ Whatever the circumstance or object of my dislike or hatred, she always responded with that. Mom had a way of seeing things through the eyes of love.”

‘Go Outside And Play’

Moms are full of practical advice, too.

Pennsylvania Patch reader Jeff, who lives in Maple Glen, said his mom advised, “Don’t get started drinking coffee with cream and sugar because it’s a lot of calories and you’ll never want to drink your coffee black.”

“Do your hardest or most unpleasant task first thing in the morning. That way, you can feel good about accomplishing something difficult instead of feeling bad for procrastinating,” California Patch reader Megan said of her mother’s best advice.

Pennsylvania Patch reader Linda said her mom reminded her to take time for herself with this advice: “If you have a choice of going out with friends or cleaning your house, go out. The house cleaning will wait for you later.”

Sometimes, a mom’s best advice is strategic.

Oak Forest Patch reader Brian said his mother was “a saint” who raised nine sons. Her best advice resonates with other moms with many children, and those with only one:

“Go outside and play.”