Yes, It’s Rude To Bring Leftover Containers To Holiday Meals: Block Talk

It is not cool to come to the holiday dinner with to-go containers unless the host says it’s OK in advance, respondents to our informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column, said with near unanimity.

And it is unbelievably rude to hide the containers from the host — a sneaky move that shows the food “looters” know perfectly well their plan will be received about as well as raw-in-the-middle turkey.

“This happened to me. A guest and her uninvited guest took home just about all the leftovers,” said ET, a Plainview (New York) Patch reader. “They brought their to-go containers and left them outside on my front porch until clean-up time. They didn’t help with the cleanup, just grabbed food.”

We asked readers if it’s rude to bring empty containers to the feast with the expectation they’ll fill them with leftovers when it’s over, and also about the etiquette surrounding potlucks and leftover alcohol a guest may have supplied.

Entitled guests who showed up with to-go containers also left North Fork (New York) Patch reader Barbra with the sour taste of resentment.

“I think it’s very rude,” Barbra said. “We had one cousin who would talk about how good the leftovers were gonna be the next day for her — at her home.”

Langhorne (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Laurie thinks it’s OK for the guest to ask for a to-go container for uneaten portions on their plate, as they would in a restaurant.

But as for the other leftovers, that’s up to the host, Laurie said.

“We provide the take-home containers and the food gets divided up. We count the number of couples or homes that the food needs to be divided by, then split each dish into that number of containers. Everybody gets a little of everything,” Laurie said.

“I make a separate turkey a day or two before and package that up for guests to take home, and the rest stays with us,” Laurie said. “This ensures that after all of the work that we did, we have plenty of turkey to enjoy and the guests have plenty as well.”

Your Host Is Exhausted

Cooking an extra bird may be more work and expense than some hosts are willing to go to, nor is their responsibility to fill their guests’ bellies in the days after the feast, several readers said.

Unless the meal is a potluck, guests have no claim to leftovers, said Bethany, who reads Frankfort Patch and Joliet Patch, both in Illinois.

“I have hosted for over 15 years. It’s exhausting cleaning the entire house and preparing a huge meal from scratch that takes days of prep work. It’s also financially draining to buy all the ingredients and holiday decorations to make the event special. My family doesn’t even help with clean up,” Bethany said.

Not having to cook for a few days “gives me back the time I need to catch up on other things,” Bethany said.

Many hosts say they gladly share leftovers, but before everyone digs in and starts filling their Tupperware, they pack up and set aside the amount they intend to keep.

“As a 74-year-old who has hosted many holiday meals, I do think it’s obnoxious to bring containers with the expectation of leftovers,” said Carol, who reads news from both Connecticut Patch and North Carolina Patch sites and splits her time between the two states.

“My experience has been to pack up what I want as I clean up and then offer the rest. If I’m a guest and the host offers, and only if the host offers, I may take leftovers. I would offer bottles of wine and whole pies, etc., back to the bringer. I always ask if the guest wants what they brought in their container.”

‘Who Does That?’

Carol has hosted enough holiday dinners to have firmly established the rules of etiquette. But some readers were at a loss as to how to politely let down guests who arrive with empty containers brimming with hope of filling them.

“Who does that? Wow! It is absolutely rude,” said Oakland Township-Lake Orion (Michigan) Patch reader Marilyn. “I would politely let guests who bring containers know that any leftovers are already spoken for prior to dinner, or even prior to arrival.”

A Bloomfield-Bloomfield Hills (Michigan) Patch reader, suggests “a little white lie” that could go something like, “Oh, feel free to take home a bite, but I’ll need pretty much all of it as I had planned that for dinner tomorrow for (aunt, neighbor …).”

Gen, a Clark-Garwood (New Jersey) Patch reader, said the host can settle any questions about who gets the leftovers without saying a word.

“The host should begin the cleanup with help from others, and begin to put leftovers in the fridge,” Gen said. “Instruct helpers which fridge or location to put the leftovers in. Subtle but effective.”

Shelton-Derby (Connecticut) Patch reader El said it’s best to just be direct.

“Let guests know that while they would love to share, they have specific plans for the leftovers, such as providing for elderly neighbors or relatives who could not attend or to provide food for a charity like a homeless,” El said.

El said unopened containers of food should be returned to the people who brought them.

“If a dessert table is set up, it would be nice to provide baggies or containers for guests to have a cookie walk or dessert opportunity,” El added. “That would be fun.”

“I don’t think hosts have to be polite about saying they want leftovers!” said East Hampton (New York) Patch reader Annie said. “Just slow down the food theft and keep some for themselves!”

‘Lower Leftover Expectations’

Lucia, who reads Harrison (New York) Patch and Stamford (Connecticut) Patch, said guests who bring their own containers put hosts in a tight spot.

“I’m not sure what the hosts could say. That’s tricky,” said Lucia, who added, “I’ve never heard of guests bringing their own leftover containers.”

Putting the host in the awkward position of having to explain leftover plans is rudeness piled on top of the rudeness of bringing to-go containers. Bringing to-go containers is already rude, but it's even worse when the host is then put in the awkward position of having to explain their leftover plans — that’s rudeness piled upon rudeness, according to Across America Patch reader Terri.

“Rather than having hosts politely tell guests they have plans for the leftovers, I submit that invited guests should lower their holiday meal leftover expectations,” Terri said.

“If a guest is expecting leftovers and doesn't get any, that can create negative feelings for both the guest and host, and either that guest won’t be invited next year or the hosts will choose not to host the following year,” Terri continued. “People need to stop expecting they’ll get leftovers and be more grateful when they do get them.”

‘I Don’t Want It To Go To Waste’

Pottstown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Kass prepares more food than necessary so she’ll have leftovers to share with guests, and she appreciates it when they bring their own containers. The same standard applies at potluck dinners, where the idea is that everyone will make enough that everyone can take a little home.

“I like when people bring containers for leftovers; otherwise, I use my own and then never get them back,” said Massapequa (New York) Patch reader C. “Usually, I decide how much to give to each guest, making sure to keep enough for my family for another meal. Usually, there’s too much food, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”

Kings Park (New York) Patch reader Kim would like for guests to bring their own containers to holiday meals.

“Then I wouldn’t give up all of my take-home containers; however, the host can say no to taking leftovers and should always take what they want first.

“I put all leftovers on the counter, have my husband come and get what he wants, and let guests come and fill up containers. Better to give the food away than to have too much and throw it out,” Kim said.

Precedence or the perception of precedence set at past gatherings can lead to some confusion among guests, Exeter (New Hampshire) Patch reader JJ said.

“If leftover sharing is routinely part of the holiday meal, initiated in the past by the host, then it’s okay,” JJ said. “But always wait to be invited to take leftovers before assuming, and hauling out your containers — even if sharing has been routine in the past.”

“They can bring their own containers and take home a serving, not all,” said Smithtown (New York) Patch reader Gena. “Food belongs with the host unless she says otherwise.”

Potluck Etiquette Differs

Sharing is the spirit behind potlucks, and it’s fair for guests to assume the leftovers will be divvied up among guests, survey respondents said. A leftover pan of sweet potato casserole or stuffing may be too much food to leave a single family, and sharing leftovers eliminates the need to return pans and dishes to their rightful owners afterward.

Generally, respondents agreed that if a side has been dished into the host’s bowls, it stays with the host. What remains in the guest’s container goes home with the guest.

“Whoever contributed the food decides whether to share leftovers with guests,” said Woodbury (Minnesota) Patch reader Junie. “No one should be making the decision for others. To add, I also think leftovers should not be forced upon someone who has said they don’t want any, either.”

Lacey (New Jersey) Patch reader Karol thinks the person who went to the trouble of hosting the get-together is under no obligation to share the leftovers.

However the remains of the meal are shared, “always remember food safety when transporting leftovers at temperatures that may not be cold enough to preserve them,” Toms River (New Jersey) Patch reader RLinTR cautioned.

RLinTR does think it’s rude to expect leftovers, though.

“If you bring food items to a family gathering, it should be assumed that you are providing them as a gift. You should not expect to take back any part of that ‘gift’ unless the host offers it,” the reader said.

‘I Guess My Family May Be Odd’

An Across America Patch reader thinks it’s fine for guests to retrieve any opened wine or liquor bottles they may have contributed. “If you brought it, and it was never opened, you can choose to leave it with the hosts or take it home,” the reader said.

“Although I want to,” West Islip (New York) Patch reader J9 confessed, “I do not take the wine, as it is a gift of appreciation for having us over and enjoying an evening together.”

“I guess my family may be odd because we are usually expected to take our unopened bottles home,” said Franklin (Wisconsin) Patch reader Nick. “The big exception is the one that is a gift.”

Dr. Kit, a Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader, said manners can overcome any awkwardness of taking home unopened wine bottles. For example, one might say, “I was delighted to bring the wine this evening. I thought I would take the unopened bottles home and save them for another time.”

Dr. Kit also is all for hosts setting out clear expectations for leftovers before the question of sharing comes up. “If it is a written invitation,” Dr. Kit said, “I would add a post script, ‘We have shared our lovely meal with you, and we have plans for the leftovers.’”

Chris, who reads San Mateo Patch, Burlingame-Hillsborough Patch and Millbrae Patch in California, thinks guests can take home their unopened wine in some circumstances.

“If you know the hosts are not wine drinkers, then I think it’s fine to bring it home,” Dr. Kit said. “But if the idea is to leave one very nice bottle of wine as a gift, you should let the host know at the front end so they can put it away.”

‘Are People Really This Greedy?’

A large majority of respondents said wine stays with the host, without exception.

“What person brings a gift, then takes it back, even if unused?” said Pinellas Beaches (Florida) Patch reader Anda wondered.

It’s not only rude for a guest to take an unopened bottle home, but guests also “have to stop showing up empty-handed, too,” said Braintree (Massachusetts) Patch reader DM.

“Bringing wine or liquor is a gift. Take it home only if the host insists because they don’t want the liquor in the house.

“Stop being cheap,” Wantagh-Seaford (New York) Patch reader Kitty said.

“Are people really this greedy?” Murrieta (California) Patch reader Gina said. “It’s your gift to the host. Try hosting next time and see how much work it is.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is a regular Patch feature offering real-world advice from readers on how to resolve everyday neighborhood problems. If you have a neighborhood etiquette question or problem you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com, with Block Talk as the subject line.

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