Worship Of 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' Not Actual Religion: Federal Judge

They want to wear spaghetti strainers in their driver's license photos. They want to post signs advertising church gatherings. They want to wear pirate costumes in jail.

"Pastafarians," who worship the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, just want to be recognized as a full-fledged religion.

A federal judge, though, says that's im-pasta-ble.

The decision stems from federal civil lawsuit filed by Pastafarian Stephen Cavanaugh, also known as "convicted attempted-murderer."

Cavanaugh had demanded that Nebraska penitentiary officials accommodate his religious beliefs while behind bars, insisting that he was part of a small but devout group following the divine "Flying Spaghetti Monster."

When the prison dispute came to a boiling point, Cavanaugh filed suit.

But John M. Gerrard, a U.S. district judge in Nebraska, ruled this week that FSMism, as he called the non-religion, is more political statement than deeply held religious belief.

"It is, rather, a parody, intended to advance an argument about science, the evolution of life, and the place of religion in public education," Gerrard wrote. "Those are important issues, and FSMism contains a serious argument—but that does not mean that the trappings of the satire used to make that argument are entitled to protection as a 'religion.'"

According to the official website of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, FSMism "came into the mainstream just a few years ago."

Its followers believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the Earth and that pirates were the first followers of the religion.

The first mainstream case involving a Pastafarian came in 2013, when a Texas Tech student won the right to wear a pasta strainer on his head in a driver's license photo. Several others followed suit and had similar success.

It's unclear exactly what Cavanaugh was asking for from the Nebraska State Penitentiary, where he is serving four to eight years in prison for attempted first-degree murder for chasing a couple with a hatchet.

Cavanaugh's complaint didn't contain much on FSMism or its supposed requirements — perhaps because the deliberate absurdity of it would hurt his argument.

But he did mention that he wanted to to wear his "religious clothing."

Apparently now an expert in FSMism himself having dealt with this case, Gerrard noted that "It is clear from the FSM Gospel that 'religious clothing' means a pirate costume and 'communion' is, not surprisingly, 'a large portion of spaghetti and meatballs.'"

What FSMism really is, Gerrard says, is a statement about the absurdity of religion and faith-based beliefs.

And the church's website even hints at as much.

"Some claim that the church is purely a thought experiment or satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, just a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools," it says. "These people are mistaken — The Church of FSM is legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental."

Thought-provoking, yes. Just not a legitimate reason to wear your pirate suit in prison.

You can read the full order, which includes way more Flying Spaghetti Monster theology than you ever wanted to read, below:

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