MomsTalk: Worrying about Distant Parents

A woman in the “Sandwich Generation” may find that her roles as mother, daughter and wife pull her in three different directions at the same time. The term “Sandwich Generation” applies to us,  usually in middle age, who are struggling to care for elderly or ill parents while simultaneously caring for young children.

It is a life-stage that can deplete the financial and emotional resources of an entire family.  It can happen suddenly if an aging parent suffers an acute illness or injury , or it is a situation that can build over time as a parent gradually becomes more dependent on an adult child. We are there.

Alison Senold, McLean resident, married, mother of two boys.

 I worry about my Mother and Step-Father. They live in a small town in the Sierra Nevada mountains. It takes two planes and a 40 minute car ride to get there from Washington, DC.

If they needed me in an emergency, it would take me at least 24 hours to get there. They have each had their share of health crises but---so far,not at the same time. Fortunately, one of them has always been healthy and able to care for the other when needed.

I have repeatedly suggested that they consider moving closer to the DC area, mainly so they can be closer to me, but also to have easier access to the increasingly complex medical care they need as they age. I remember my Mother being a selfless, tireless care-giver to her own mother up until her death and I have always admired her for that.

However, it would be impossible for me to provide any real support for her or my Step-Father while they are so far away. If they really needed me to come to the west coast , I can’t imagine how I would handle it. My kids are too old to miss more than a few days of school and too young to be left to fend for themselves before or after school. My husband has to go to work. We could probably make it work for a few days, maybe up to a week, but any sort of extended care-giving would be impossible from this distance.