Birth mother: Adoptees deserve answers to lifelong questions

Editor's note: This is one in an ongoing series of posts spotlighting support for our continued effort to provide adult adoptees born in Connecticut access to their original birth certificates. The testimony featured in this series was submitted to the state Legislature earlier this year in support of proposed legislation that would have restored the right of adult adoptees adopted before Oct. 1, 1983, to access their original birth certificate. (Post-1983 adoptees had this right restored in 2014.) The letters are published with the authors' permission. Sign up for our newsletter at www.accessconnecticut.org if you want to help us end discrimination against adoptees.

Dear Legislators,

I am a birthmother. My daughter was relinquished for adoption in 1969. At that time, I felt I had no other options, since my family had basically disowned me and society at that time condemned my apparent lack of morals. For years, I suffered from deep depression, and while I trudged through life, a huge part of me was simply missing. Then, in 1988, my daughter and I were reunited, and so began the healing. While our relationship now can never undo what happened, I treasure knowing her and being part of her extended family.

One of my closest friends is adopted. Bobbi was born in Denver, Colorado, in 1948. For decades, we’ve talked about searching for her birth parents, but we had no information with which to work. Then, last January, Colorado unsealed its records, and we were able to obtain Bobbi’s original birth certificate. There wasn’t much to work with, but we had names and knew what states her parents resided in at the time. We also knew from that 68 year old piece of paper that it was unlikely Bobbi would ever meet her birth parents, who had both been in their mid- 30’s when she was born. Nonetheless, we took out a membership in Ancestry.com and plowed through records of all types – from censuses to street directories, and other families’ personal family trees. In the end, we found Bobbi’s family. Yes, her parents had died, but she was able to reunite with a younger sister (who looks like her twin) and many cousins. She now knows why her hair is red along with much valuable medical information that explains illnesses she has dealt with already and other things that may lie ahead. Helping Bobbi in her search has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life, and seeing her at peace with so many answers about who she is and where she came from is nothing short of a blessing. It would have been impossible without that precious piece of paper we obtained at the beginning of last year.

I strongly urge you to make original birth certificates available to Connecticut’s older adoptees. In many cases, such as Bobbi’s, too many years have passed and reunions with actual birth parents are unlikely. But, don’t these adopted children deserve answers to lifelong unanswered questions? Don’t we all deserve to know our nationalities and whether we need to guard against illnesses that we are genetically likely to encounter? As a birthmother, I provided everything I knew at the time my daughter was relinquished – but I was only 19, and much of what has affected me, and my parents in later life, lied ahead and was unknown at the time my daughter was born. Please unseal your records and give these now adult adopted children the opportunity
to learn about their origins. People who were not adopted take this information for granted and cannot imagine going through life without it. If heart disease, or cancer, or Alzheimer’s was common in your family, wouldn’t you want to know and be empowered to live your life in a way that minimizes the risks? We all have that right – except for adopted people who don’t know anything about their genetic families. You have the opportunity to correct this unfairness, and I urge you to do the right thing when the time comes to vote on this issue.

Sincerely

Linda Dryansky