'I want to hold a piece of paper that states the true information about my existence, and know ... who I am'

Editor's note: This is one in an ongoing series of posts spotlighting support for our continued effort to provide adult adoptees born in Connecticut access to their original birth certificates. The testimony featured in this series was submitted to the state Legislature earlier this year in support of proposed legislation that would have restored the right of adult adoptees adopted before Oct. 1, 1983, to access their original birth certificate. (Post-1983 adoptees had this right restored in 2014.) The letters are published with the authors' permission. Sign up for our newsletter at www.accessconnecticut.org if you want to help us end discrimination against adoptees.

Dear Sirs and Madams;
I was born in Norwalk and adopted through a private agency in Hartford in 1970. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for a woman to give birth and give away the child, hoping that a good family could take care of their child. My adopted family loved me and provided a great life in West Hartford, Connecticut.
When I was young I was worried that finding out who my birth parents were could disrupt my life. That is what I assumed because it was kept "secret" by the state; therefore there must be a reason to hide my origins. But really, what can happen? Any one you meet in your life can be an acquaintance or a friend. That decision is made between two parties that either make an effort to get to know each other, or not. It should be determined between the parents and child.

For each milestone in my life, I wondered if someone had wished they could be part of my experience. And my curiosity about their lives grew as I became an adult. Many other people I knew always dreamed of having a sibling, but their parents only had one child. I think this is a similar sentiment. Finding any relatives that are actually related would be great. And if I learned the family history, that would also be very interesting.
My need to know became more apparent when I married and tried to conceive. Medical professionals take it for granted that I can "just find out" what my medical history is. How is that possible if I am adopted in CT, where the birth parent's privacy is more important than my right to know basic facts about who I am? Thank goodness I don't need a blood relative to save my life as some people do, for example: a bone marrow transplant.

Now that we have a child, how do I answer my child's questions about our ancestors? At the moment, I cannot find the words to explain to a child what adoption is other than it is similar to adopting a puppy. But that is not really how it works. It is not a good enough explanation for my child.

I understand that the adoption agency is my only course for finding out who my birth relatives are. It will cost me $600 to attempt to find my birth Mother, learn any info she is willing to share, and maybe extra costs for state mandated counseling during the process. I don't know if there is any way to find my birth father through the agency. With the passage of time, people can develop perspective over their past. I think they should be given the opportunity to meet the child they gave up, and the child meet the parents, at least on paper. Why should the adoption agency be the source and control the costs associated with this?

There is no guarantee that paying the agency $600 will result in accurate info. Birth Moms choose what info to provide. At the very least, I want to hold a piece of paper that states the true information about my existence, and know something about who I am. I don't think I should have to go to court to ask for my birth certificate, as other adoptees have recommended. It makes me feel like I am criminalized in some way, by being born and having to ask the government permission to know about myself. I did nothing wrong. Maybe the stigma of adoption may not be as bad if the states send the message that the children can embrace their origins.

After some research, I am learning that many other states are giving adoptees access to their unaltered birth certificate. I wish Connecticut would extend this right to everyone, not just people born in certain years. Other states value personal rights enough to consider the child, not just the birth parent.

Please consider opening up the policy to release this information in Connecticut. Perhaps you can try to imagine growing up not knowing where you came from. What would you feel?

Thank you for your time,

Kara Spain Thompson