Derrick Rose Injured Already and Needs Surgery

Specifically a left orbital fracture, his latest boo-boo will require surgery, scheduled for Wednesday at Rush University Medical Center.

Add this to Rose’s long list of bench-inducing injuries, including a thrice-torn right meniscus, a sprained wrist, a sprained big toe, groin strain, a sprained ankle, a sprained foot, a torn ACL and a sore left knee.

Eleven noteworthy injuries, not including strained hammies, and zero championships.

Rose’s lips, however, work remarkably well. At Monday’s media day, Rose told everyone how great he is: “There’s a lot of people that don’t know I’m great, but it’s cool. I know I can hoop.”

Rose, who will pull down $40 million in salary from the Bulls while he awaits free agency in two years, believes his ability to “hoop” will result in even more money. Right now, he’s “comfortable.”

“... as far as seeing all the money that they’re passing out in this league. Just telling the truth. Just knowing that my day will be coming up soon, and it’s not for me. It’s for P.J. and his future, so that’s what I’m thinking about now.

“... when you talk about that much money the only thing you can do is prepare for it. I’m trying to prepare, not only myself, but my family. And I’m doing this all for my son. Like I said, I’m thinking about his future. Even though we’re alright, we’re comfortable, when you talk about that x-amount of dollars, I think it raises everyone’s eyebrows, so there’s nothing wrong with being over-prepared.”

He was an NBA MVP in 2011. Since then, the product of Simeon High School has been hurt a lot.

Apparently, when he’s not hooping or recuperating, Rose is doing is best off-the-court Wilt Chamberlain impression.

A woman who’s suing him alleges Rose has a fondness for group sex with boyhood friends from the neighborhood. She claims that in 2013, Rose, two of those friends and other men drugged her, stripped her and then engaged in sex acts with her without her consent.

Rose, who told reporters he’s confident he’ll be found completely innocent if the sex lawsuit goes to trial, said the woman just wants his money.

The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a recent court filing on behalf of Rose in response to the lawsuit states the group sex that day was consensual and the woman was angry because Rose did not reimburse her for a sex toy she bought that day.

So, Chicago Bulls fans, no talk of playoffs. No talk of championships. Just money, group sex and now injury. Can’t wait for that first game, can you?